tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28840534.post1764887093813205175..comments2024-01-06T15:58:20.726-07:00Comments on Never Ending Journey: Common CourtesyLyniluhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04742585512852240355noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28840534.post-52069466905637531452008-09-16T18:53:00.000-06:002008-09-16T18:53:00.000-06:00Caroline, I'm not rushing anything at this point. ...<B>Caroline</B>, I'm not rushing anything at this point. I used to live in MO; now he has to SHOW ME!<BR/><BR/><B>Daisy</B>, yes, I will be doing just that when the time is right. I'll listen, too, but I'll also make sure he knows what I expect. Which isn't a lot!<BR/><BR/><B>(M)ary</B>, I thought it was pretty clear and specific. As I said above, I'll listen, and if his explanation makes sense, I'll explain my position. Then.....Lyniluhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04742585512852240355noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28840534.post-12998858399865236052008-09-16T18:14:00.000-06:002008-09-16T18:14:00.000-06:00hm. you gave him a specific invitation so you are ...hm. you gave him a specific invitation so you are 100% right, he should have called. <BR/>he's a weiner.(M)aryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10753777348163655324noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28840534.post-77902823562946991892008-09-15T23:36:00.000-06:002008-09-15T23:36:00.000-06:00A simple phone call would have been nice especiall...A simple phone call would have been nice especially since he said he would call. I feel like MQ. Put the ball in his court. Let him know how you feel. Then see if you hear from him again. As you have said to me before, "It is disappointing when potential friends don't seem to have the same level of interest/involvement. But we can't control others."Daisyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05401667744228083776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28840534.post-34465676807873103802008-09-15T22:33:00.000-06:002008-09-15T22:33:00.000-06:00I totally agree that there should have at least be...I totally agree that there should have at least been a phone call. Hang in there...it will all work out exactly the way it's suppose to.Carolinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14476059033054104085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28840534.post-59328340604863176062008-09-15T20:22:00.000-06:002008-09-15T20:22:00.000-06:00MQ, good plan. I'm not going to rush it. I'm just ...<B>MQ</B>, good plan. I'm not going to rush it. I'm just going to give it a few days, and I figure out how I want to handle it.Lyniluhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04742585512852240355noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28840534.post-63200583589076693712008-09-15T19:41:00.000-06:002008-09-15T19:41:00.000-06:00I think you should just lay out what you expect an...I think you should just lay out what you expect and then the ball is in his court. Common courtesy is not too much to expect!Monogram Queenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00201245389134780751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28840534.post-4682523913117253582008-09-15T17:06:00.000-06:002008-09-15T17:06:00.000-06:00Redfrog, that's pretty much what I thought. A coup...<B>Redfrog</B>, that's pretty much what I thought. A couple minutes is all I needed.<BR/><BR/><B>Annie</B>, yes, I figured the think to do is to lay the cards on the table. It may seem early to do that, but if there is going to be any relationship, better now than after it's "too late." I'm still considering all the angles.<BR/><BR/><B>(M)ary</B>, good points. But let me fill in some gaps. I think I said this in another post, but maybe not.<BR/><BR/>1. As we left the restaurant, he said "I'd like to see you again if you are open to it." <B>He opened the door to further contact.</B><BR/><BR/>2. I replied yes, and invited him to go with me and some friends to a concert the following weekend. I said I know it is short notice(4 days for one and 5 days for the second one), and it is Labor Day weekend, but if you want to go, you would be welcome.<B>I let him know I was interested AND extended my own invitation.</B><BR/><BR/>3. He said he would consider it and call me. <BR/><BR/>He said he would call about going to one of the concerts. He didn't. That is pretty cut and dried to me. And when he left the message yesterday, he said his excuse was weak.<BR/><BR/>I'm open to giving someone a second chance, but not without "ground rules" to clear the confusion. And yes, I admire his devotion to his family. As I said I understand his situation, and I would put my family first, too. But I would call the other person, regardless of my priorities and say, can't do the concert, very busy, like to see you, will call. <BR/><BR/>I'm still thinking, and I haven't closed the door. But I'm not going to be a doormat for his family, either, so ground rules need to be placed; mine is that if you say you're going to call me, you call me.<BR/><BR/><BR/>Thanks for the input, everyone. :)<BR/><BR/>Oh, a PS: This is his first dating experience after his wife's death, and they were married over 30 years. I'm trying to cut him a little slack on it for the stress of newly-dating nerves. I know I have them.Lyniluhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04742585512852240355noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28840534.post-34830069649960772922008-09-15T16:50:00.000-06:002008-09-15T16:50:00.000-06:00ps.. on the other hand, if you are busy and don't ...ps.. on the other hand, if you are busy and don't have time to waste on this guy, don't bother calling. probably best to judge a man by how he acts, not what he says.(M)aryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10753777348163655324noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28840534.post-55819611420587979252008-09-15T16:40:00.000-06:002008-09-15T16:40:00.000-06:00i'll play devil's advocate here.if the reason he d...i'll play devil's advocate here.<BR/><BR/>if the reason he didn't call was family obligation, you could read that as: "here is a man who is devoted to his family" if you ever get close enough to him to be considered family, he will be devoted to you.<BR/><BR/>the truth of the dating world is that after one lunch, the person you had lunch with is not equal in importance as a grandson. you deserve to be with someone who finds you important and wants to be with you, however, that feeling grows with time. some people just don't think of courtesy calls after one date. it is harsh and unkind but i think it happens a lot in the dating world. <BR/><BR/>so. perhaps, he deserves another chance to prove himself. at worst, you find out he is a putz and you dump him after strike two.(M)aryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10753777348163655324noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28840534.post-4099194148458482502008-09-15T14:55:00.000-06:002008-09-15T14:55:00.000-06:00A two - or even 5 minute phone call - is not too m...A two - or even 5 minute phone call - is not too much to expect, nor are you pushing thingss, Lynilu.<BR/><BR/>He is showing you that he will disregard you when something comes up that he would rather pay attention to. <BR/><BR/>That you come second, rather than that you desreve equal consideration as a friend. He may be a nice man, but that doesn't mean he is emotionally available for a woman. <BR/><BR/>I think you deserve more, and you've seen a red flag here. <BR/><BR/>He clearly thought his behavior was acceptable, and didn't mind disappointing you. That is disrespectful and inconsiderate.<BR/><BR/> Unless you are totally indifferent - and I suspect you aren't, but you may end up being so, I'd tell him how I felt, and then not put any more effort or energy into him, like you said.<BR/><BR/> Telling someone 'timely returned phone calls are important to me in relationships, be they platonic or romantic' is clear communication. When you affirm your boundaries, you boost your self-esteem along with them.<BR/><BR/>((hugs))Constancehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02702046097986873803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28840534.post-67281375386850837112008-09-15T14:33:00.000-06:002008-09-15T14:33:00.000-06:00I agree with you if that means anything. Its hard ...I agree with you if that means anything. Its hard to have a one sided friendship when you are the one doing all the work. It doesnt take anytime to pick up the phone or send a thank you had a great time card or email.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com