Trust

There are different kinds and degrees of trust.

I generally trust people until I'm given reason to do otherwise.

Trust that people will perform jobs ethically and fairly.

Trust that friends will stand by you, even if they don't understand the situation. Even when you have no words to explain what is inside you.

Trust that loved ones will be there for you.

Trust that people in positions of power will do "the right thing."

Trust that others give you the same right of choice that you give them.

Trust that if someone has a problem with me, they talk to me rather than gossiping so it comes back to me from someone else.


When I find that once my trust has been broken, I have little tolerance.

I don't understand people who break trust, yet seem to expect me to suck up and carry on.

Or people who break ties but don't let go.

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Over the years, I've had several heartbreaks from people who took advantage of my trusting nature. A friend who put me in a tough situation that threatened my marriage; coworkers who fudged on rules, then left me or others to try to pick up the pieces; a friend who just disappeared from my life with no word; a boss who said one thing and did the opposite.

Every time something like this happens, it shaves away at my trust. Not trust for those who harmed me; trust for them is already gone. But trust for other people I meet and deal with in the present time. A person can only take so many of those damaging blows before one backs away, becomes more reserved and less willing to open up to new relationships. How sad that is.

A person goes through grief when a relationship ends, not just with death. Generally, the stages are accepted as set out by Kübler-Ross:  denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. There are other, more recent theories, but for ease, I'll just talk about this model. I find usually myself first dealing with disbelief or denial ("No, this can't be happening.") and then I start bargaining ("Now wait, can we talk about this?"). After that, it depends of the circumstances, but I often vacillate between anger and depression for a time before finally being able to let it go and accept the loss.

I've learned that there is one important step before acceptance comes to me. I have to forgive. I forgive the other person, even though I ’m often no longer in touch with them, but turning loose of it and letting it go, just as if I could say it to the person's face. Then I forgive myself for being sucked in. Again.

There will be more hurts and betrayals because people are people. We are all flawed and make mistakes. I will continue to trust until a person gives me a reason to do otherwise. Then I'll hurt and grieve and forgive and life will go on.

I wonder why we humans do that. I'm sure I've hurt some people along the way, too, and for that, I'm sorry.