After a lot of thought I've decided to take the blog private. I've not done this before, and I am sad that I have come to this conclusion. However, sometimes things just don't work out as we wish they had.
This means you will need to sign in before you can read the blog posts. I regret the inconvenience, but I do hope you will bear with me.
If you would like to continue to read here, leave me your email address below, in the comments block. I have engaged comment moderation so they will not be published, and I will not publish your email addresses. I simply need them to include in the permissions for reading.
The blog will remain open for a week or so. After I have set up the permissions for you to sign in, I will change it to the private status. I do hope most of you who read here will put up with the nuisance involved. I treasure your comments.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
A very good day .....
Forty-two years ago was one of the best days of my life.
I had spent four years trying to have a baby, and I had lost five, all very early. I was becoming numb, and doctors offered the comforting words, "You're young, you'll have more." bah. What a horrible think to say! And then one doctor didn't say those words. And he was incensed that I'd heard them so many times.
I had Rh- blood and my husband was Rh+. My first child was born just before the advent of Rhogam shots. But in those days, they didn't think that this was a problem in the early pregnancies like mine, so no one was sure why I was losing the babies. We know now that early pregnancy does, indeed, affect the situation, as each one builds the mother's resistance toward the next. This doctor scheduled me for fertility tests and in the summer of 1969, I actually tried to not get pregnant so my body could normalize before the tests. But, oops, I already was!
Hormone shots and pills to keep me from miscarrying again came flying at me like crazy. And it worked! For the first time since my son was born 5 years earlier, I carried a pregnancy past the first trimester! And except for gawd-awful nausea that ruled my life all day for several months, finally controlled with medications, it was a blissful time. I had to have blood drawn frequently to check the titer level (indicator that my blood was not attacking the baby, seen as a "foreign body" if the baby's blood was positive like my husband's) was another irritant, but worth it to have another baby in our home.
Then a month before the due date, there was a sudden and drastic spike in the titer count. A fast admission to the hospital, an induced labor, and the following day, we had a baby girl. She was small by the standard of the day, just 4 lbs., 12 oz. and she had other health issues. Because of the early birth, her lungs were not fully developed, a condition called Hyaline Membrane, which necessitated oxygen for a few days. Worst of all, my body's Rh- blood had already attacked her blood system, and he blood was "dying." This meant she had to have a complete blood exchange. The pediatrician told us she was on the critical list and asked about our religion. I became hysterical, realizing that after all this, we weren't out of the woods.
Over the next five days, she had two exchanges. The first one apparently left a bit of the old blood and her blood again began to weaken. It is a difficult procedure because it means the pint of blood in the baby's body is exchanged very slowly, literally one drop out, one drop in. With only a pint to "play with," a teaspoon is a lot, a tablespoon considered a hemorrhage. "A drop in, a drop out" took almost two hours. During these days her weight dropped to 4 lb., 6 oz.
But she was a fighter and captured the hearts of her round-the-clock nurses in NICU. She ate well, and her skin turned pink with the new blood and the billirubin lamps. We weren't allowed to hold her, to touch her. That was standard back then. My heart ached for that. But she was looking better and gaining weight very, very slowly. After five days she was taken off the critical list, and we waited for the weight to rise. The goal was 5 lbs., and it was taking forever.
Every day I visited the hospital 2-4 times a day. I could do nothing but watch her through the glass. At first it was a glass panel plus the isolet glass walls, then just the glass of the viewing area. But that sheet of glass was cruel.
She came off the oxygen supplement after about a week. Her little lungs were working on their own!
On the 14th day I called, as I always did, around 8:00 AM. This was right after the babies were bathed and weighed, and I waited for the words that would let me bring her home .... "Five pounds"! But to my dismay, I heard "four pounds, fifteen ounces," just as I'd heard on the last three days. I was broken hearted. I hung up the phone and cried. A few minutes later, the phone rang, and the pediatrician's voice said he wanted to talk with me. My heart stopped. I thought something had happened, that she was failing. And he said, "She is holding her weight so we are going to go ahead and let you bring her home."
My husband had left for work, and when I called his office, he was just walking in. The staff all yelled at him to "Leave!" "Go home!" "Go get your wife, the baby is being released!!"
I got to hold Terri Lynne the first time that morning. I held her with awe as we stood just outside the protective glass of the nursery. Then the nurse, the one most attached to her after this time, took her gently from my arms and walked us out. When we got to the lobby, our son Scott, who was waiting there for us, began walking toward us with his face in amazement. The nurse asked, "Is this her brother?" Then she sat down in the middle of the lobby, pulled Scott onto her lap and wrapped her arms around him and his baby sister.
I had spent four years trying to have a baby, and I had lost five, all very early. I was becoming numb, and doctors offered the comforting words, "You're young, you'll have more." bah. What a horrible think to say! And then one doctor didn't say those words. And he was incensed that I'd heard them so many times.
I had Rh- blood and my husband was Rh+. My first child was born just before the advent of Rhogam shots. But in those days, they didn't think that this was a problem in the early pregnancies like mine, so no one was sure why I was losing the babies. We know now that early pregnancy does, indeed, affect the situation, as each one builds the mother's resistance toward the next. This doctor scheduled me for fertility tests and in the summer of 1969, I actually tried to not get pregnant so my body could normalize before the tests. But, oops, I already was!
Hormone shots and pills to keep me from miscarrying again came flying at me like crazy. And it worked! For the first time since my son was born 5 years earlier, I carried a pregnancy past the first trimester! And except for gawd-awful nausea that ruled my life all day for several months, finally controlled with medications, it was a blissful time. I had to have blood drawn frequently to check the titer level (indicator that my blood was not attacking the baby, seen as a "foreign body" if the baby's blood was positive like my husband's) was another irritant, but worth it to have another baby in our home.
Then a month before the due date, there was a sudden and drastic spike in the titer count. A fast admission to the hospital, an induced labor, and the following day, we had a baby girl. She was small by the standard of the day, just 4 lbs., 12 oz. and she had other health issues. Because of the early birth, her lungs were not fully developed, a condition called Hyaline Membrane, which necessitated oxygen for a few days. Worst of all, my body's Rh- blood had already attacked her blood system, and he blood was "dying." This meant she had to have a complete blood exchange. The pediatrician told us she was on the critical list and asked about our religion. I became hysterical, realizing that after all this, we weren't out of the woods.
Over the next five days, she had two exchanges. The first one apparently left a bit of the old blood and her blood again began to weaken. It is a difficult procedure because it means the pint of blood in the baby's body is exchanged very slowly, literally one drop out, one drop in. With only a pint to "play with," a teaspoon is a lot, a tablespoon considered a hemorrhage. "A drop in, a drop out" took almost two hours. During these days her weight dropped to 4 lb., 6 oz.
But she was a fighter and captured the hearts of her round-the-clock nurses in NICU. She ate well, and her skin turned pink with the new blood and the billirubin lamps. We weren't allowed to hold her, to touch her. That was standard back then. My heart ached for that. But she was looking better and gaining weight very, very slowly. After five days she was taken off the critical list, and we waited for the weight to rise. The goal was 5 lbs., and it was taking forever.
Every day I visited the hospital 2-4 times a day. I could do nothing but watch her through the glass. At first it was a glass panel plus the isolet glass walls, then just the glass of the viewing area. But that sheet of glass was cruel.
She came off the oxygen supplement after about a week. Her little lungs were working on their own!
On the 14th day I called, as I always did, around 8:00 AM. This was right after the babies were bathed and weighed, and I waited for the words that would let me bring her home .... "Five pounds"! But to my dismay, I heard "four pounds, fifteen ounces," just as I'd heard on the last three days. I was broken hearted. I hung up the phone and cried. A few minutes later, the phone rang, and the pediatrician's voice said he wanted to talk with me. My heart stopped. I thought something had happened, that she was failing. And he said, "She is holding her weight so we are going to go ahead and let you bring her home."
My husband had left for work, and when I called his office, he was just walking in. The staff all yelled at him to "Leave!" "Go home!" "Go get your wife, the baby is being released!!"
I got to hold Terri Lynne the first time that morning. I held her with awe as we stood just outside the protective glass of the nursery. Then the nurse, the one most attached to her after this time, took her gently from my arms and walked us out. When we got to the lobby, our son Scott, who was waiting there for us, began walking toward us with his face in amazement. The nurse asked, "Is this her brother?" Then she sat down in the middle of the lobby, pulled Scott onto her lap and wrapped her arms around him and his baby sister.
Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!
I love you with all my heart.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Funny ice
I was noticing that the snow and ice was melting of the truck, despite the below freezing temperatures. It is melting and forming icicles like this ....
And while I was taking that photo, I saw this ....
That is a couple sheets of ice that apparently slid down the side of the truck and somehow caught there!
And now it is snowing again!
Oh, well!
And while I was taking that photo, I saw this ....
That is a couple sheets of ice that apparently slid down the side of the truck and somehow caught there!
And now it is snowing again!
Oh, well!
Do ya talk good? [shudder]
Do you ever think about how you sound when you talk? Not your voice inflections (although those are important, too), but your pronunciation.
I think we are all aware of how difficult a language English is because of the multitude of contributing sources (Latin, German, etc.) from the old world and newer ones from French (chaise lounge, dossier, au jus) and Spanish (casita, tortilla, hola), many of which we mispronounce or Anglecize. Because of the variety of roots in our language it is confusing because sometimes we pronounce letters and other times we don't (knit, gnaw), sometimes letter groupings are not pronounced as they are spelled (cough, thorough), and on and on.
People learning English will tell you how hard it is to get it right. Most languages have fairly regular rules for pronunciation, but not English. Remember when you were in school, back when they actually taught "grammar"? How hard was it? Right! Many of our rules haven't a rationale behind them, just facts you have to memorize and learn over time to internalize for your use.
Then comes my point, how we pronounce the words. We are all guilty of lazy speech (my term) in which we say things such as "The kids are sleepin'. I need to get'em up." Your own lazy language may be different that the example, but you get the idea. We all slur words, elide sounds, use colloquialisms. Now, put yourself in the position of someone from another language trying to muck your way through English.
I often get cyber visitors coming to this blog after googling some words, usually things related to my title "never ending," "journey," etc. Sometimes it is because of words in posts. Many times the spelling is amusing. It's a miracle google can ferret out the intention. The latest is "humans robotik hand misheens" which led to a post in which I referred to shaking hands, obviously not what the person from this unknown place wanted. But think about it .... how do you pronounce "machines"? I think I might say something close to "meh-sheens."
Oh, don't beat yourself up. Other people in their native or primary language do the same thing. I learned French in high school and my pronunciation was nearly perfect. But when I spoke with French people, I had difficulty because I spoke (and heard) perfect French and they spoke "real" French with the same slurred-together words, dropped syllables, etc.
I try to use my best language skill. I try to say "machine," and "sleeping." But I know I don't always succeed. And how we must confuse others new to the language when we talk with them. When my daughter-in-law, a native of Southern Mexico, was new to the family, she was still learning, even though she had been speaking English for some years and was taking college courses. We had a number of humorous conversations because of the quirks of the language.
So what's my point? Oh, no real point, just an interesting thought that hit me this morning. Well, I could make a point to be patient with people learning the language. I hear so many criticize heavy accents (If they're gonna live here, they should learn English), while many of us say "chase lounge" when it is correctly pronounced "chehz long" (more or less!), we dunk our French dip sandwiches in "oo ju" not "aw juice," and it isn't "tor-till-a" that we wrap around foods, it is "tor-ti-yya." If we use words from another language, let's learn to pronounce them right.
BTW, the most frequent search landing here other than the "never ending journey" is "Johnny Carson/Ed Ames"!!
I think we are all aware of how difficult a language English is because of the multitude of contributing sources (Latin, German, etc.) from the old world and newer ones from French (chaise lounge, dossier, au jus) and Spanish (casita, tortilla, hola), many of which we mispronounce or Anglecize. Because of the variety of roots in our language it is confusing because sometimes we pronounce letters and other times we don't (knit, gnaw), sometimes letter groupings are not pronounced as they are spelled (cough, thorough), and on and on.
People learning English will tell you how hard it is to get it right. Most languages have fairly regular rules for pronunciation, but not English. Remember when you were in school, back when they actually taught "grammar"? How hard was it? Right! Many of our rules haven't a rationale behind them, just facts you have to memorize and learn over time to internalize for your use.
Then comes my point, how we pronounce the words. We are all guilty of lazy speech (my term) in which we say things such as "The kids are sleepin'. I need to get'em up." Your own lazy language may be different that the example, but you get the idea. We all slur words, elide sounds, use colloquialisms. Now, put yourself in the position of someone from another language trying to muck your way through English.
I often get cyber visitors coming to this blog after googling some words, usually things related to my title "never ending," "journey," etc. Sometimes it is because of words in posts. Many times the spelling is amusing. It's a miracle google can ferret out the intention. The latest is "humans robotik hand misheens" which led to a post in which I referred to shaking hands, obviously not what the person from this unknown place wanted. But think about it .... how do you pronounce "machines"? I think I might say something close to "meh-sheens."
Oh, don't beat yourself up. Other people in their native or primary language do the same thing. I learned French in high school and my pronunciation was nearly perfect. But when I spoke with French people, I had difficulty because I spoke (and heard) perfect French and they spoke "real" French with the same slurred-together words, dropped syllables, etc.
I try to use my best language skill. I try to say "machine," and "sleeping." But I know I don't always succeed. And how we must confuse others new to the language when we talk with them. When my daughter-in-law, a native of Southern Mexico, was new to the family, she was still learning, even though she had been speaking English for some years and was taking college courses. We had a number of humorous conversations because of the quirks of the language.
So what's my point? Oh, no real point, just an interesting thought that hit me this morning. Well, I could make a point to be patient with people learning the language. I hear so many criticize heavy accents (If they're gonna live here, they should learn English), while many of us say "chase lounge" when it is correctly pronounced "chehz long" (more or less!), we dunk our French dip sandwiches in "oo ju" not "aw juice," and it isn't "tor-till-a" that we wrap around foods, it is "tor-ti-yya." If we use words from another language, let's learn to pronounce them right.
BTW, the most frequent search landing here other than the "never ending journey" is "Johnny Carson/Ed Ames"!!
Friday, March 09, 2012
Just a few miles
I didn't go into the office today. I worked from home because I woke with fibro picking at my nerves. The barometer has been all over the place in the lat few days, and it finally got to me. I also got about 5 inches of snow, and feeling as I did, decided to not take that slight risk of sliding into a ditch and having to walk out, because my legs were most affected with the pain and weakness.
So a few minutes ago I took a break. This surprised me. I clicked on the Ruidoso webcam to see what it looked like in town, and saw this:
OK, the snow plows have been through and all that, but I was stunned by the lack of snow on the sidewalks and along the curbs, in those protected places where it tends to collect. There is some on roofs, but otherwise ....? They didn't get as much as I did out here, as I already knew, but still ...! It appears that most of their snow is already gone!
Here is why I'm surprised. This is out my front door:
I've had some melt, too, (the truck was fully covered this morning) but it seems that I must have had a lot more snow than they did in town. It is interesting that it is actually melting because 25° is the highest temp I've seen today.
15 car miles or about 10 crow miles surely can make a difference!
So a few minutes ago I took a break. This surprised me. I clicked on the Ruidoso webcam to see what it looked like in town, and saw this:
OK, the snow plows have been through and all that, but I was stunned by the lack of snow on the sidewalks and along the curbs, in those protected places where it tends to collect. There is some on roofs, but otherwise ....? They didn't get as much as I did out here, as I already knew, but still ...! It appears that most of their snow is already gone!
Here is why I'm surprised. This is out my front door:
I've had some melt, too, (the truck was fully covered this morning) but it seems that I must have had a lot more snow than they did in town. It is interesting that it is actually melting because 25° is the highest temp I've seen today.
15 car miles or about 10 crow miles surely can make a difference!
Thursday, March 08, 2012
What would you do?
OK, there's a thinker fer ya ....
Let's say you are given $1,000,000.
You can not keep any of it nor anything purchased with it, so you must give it all away.
AND you can not give away cash.
Sooooo .... what do you do with the $1,000,000?
NO CHEATING! You can not have a scheme by which it will return to you. You MUST be totally altruistic.
Now .... GO!!!
Let's say you are given $1,000,000.
You can not keep any of it nor anything purchased with it, so you must give it all away.
AND you can not give away cash.
Sooooo .... what do you do with the $1,000,000?
NO CHEATING! You can not have a scheme by which it will return to you. You MUST be totally altruistic.
Now .... GO!!!
Sunday, March 04, 2012
Reason, Season, Lifetime ....
Isn't this true? I know you've read this before, but this is a nice presentation, so I wanted to share. I also want to thank each of you for your contribution into my life, whichever one it is. :)
Blessings and happiness.
.
Blessings and happiness.
.
Thursday, March 01, 2012
My winter is over
I'm so glad spring seems to be drawing near. This winter has been brutal for me, so now that we are having longer days and milder temperatures, I'm breathing a big sigh of relief.
I don't dislike winter. I actually like winter a lot. But the last few months have been difficult, not because of the weather, but because of my mental state. I have been beating back depression. It started before winter set in, and the dark days of winter just exacerbated it as winter came into it's full strength. Thank goodness, the long winter nights here are nothing compared to the Midwest. If I'd been in KC, I have no doubt that it would have been many times worse. Here in New Mexico, there are very few times when we don't have significant sunshine every day. I thank that for getting me through at all.
I probably should have sought help. Easy to say in hindsight. But I kept thinking, "It will be alright," and "Its not so bad." By the time I let myself really face the issues, I was actually beginning to recover. And I did, at that time, get help. It didn't take much at that point, but I'm glad I had the support.
The root of it was at work. I love my job and what I do with and for people. I like nearly everyone I work with. There was one person outside that "nearly everyone" category who was causing much grief for others. After a period of time, that person moved on to a different job, and the rest of us began to heal. Then the replacement was hired, and it looked like things would settle down. Briefly, it looked that way.
And then ....
The newly hired person began to show colors. Bright colors. Penetrating colors. And not pretty colors, at all. Oh, not in front of the boss, but at other times .... it was awful!! And through the winter it became worse and worse. I had no particular problem with this person, but the atmosphere was absolutely poisoned. There were many who were unable to avoid contact and it was mostly negative. That person did not do the job, seemed to be unteachable, and was back stabbing anyone who got in the way, and the angst was awful. Since the person "behaved" in front of the boss, it appeared for a while that others weren't playing nice.
I began dreading going to work. I enjoy my job, but the ugliness was affecting everyone, if not directly, then by the ripples of ugliness radiating from the core of the problems. I did my best to avoid getting in the thick of it, but it isn't possible to be in the workplace and not pick up on some of it, especially when it is a small agency.
I felt tired a lot. I began to avoid some social things, feeling too tired to make myself go out, especially at night. Of course, that deepened the depression. I was less than on top of housework, so having a messy house added to the problem. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera ..... [Did you hear Yul Brenner just then? :D]
So again, thank goodness much of that is over. At any rate, the increased sunshine, the pleasant weather, and the fact that I'm back on track is very good. I've begun several healthy new practices, and have more planned. The study course will begin very soon, as I expect my books and study materials to arrive tomorrow or Saturday. I'm excited about many things again. It feels good. :)
Not only has the cloud lifted, but new projects are sprouting, too. I love developing new components. Today the boss and I talked with some folks about starting a cancer support group for patients and families using educational pieces to help people change thinking and life styles. By including allopathic medical people, natural and nutritional experts, practitioners of acupuncture and biofeedback, we hope to be able to direct folks to taking preventative measures and finding healthier lifestyles in the future.
This fits well with parts of my job already underway .... public speaking about Hospice, about aging, and about end of life issues in general. My purpose in all this is to touch as many as I can with information to demystify these topics and redirect thinking into healthier and better informed paths. I guess it's that old thing about "if I can change the life of one person, I will have done my job."
So, I'm back! I had a grueling six months or so, but I'm back on track. It feels good. Onward and upward!!
I don't dislike winter. I actually like winter a lot. But the last few months have been difficult, not because of the weather, but because of my mental state. I have been beating back depression. It started before winter set in, and the dark days of winter just exacerbated it as winter came into it's full strength. Thank goodness, the long winter nights here are nothing compared to the Midwest. If I'd been in KC, I have no doubt that it would have been many times worse. Here in New Mexico, there are very few times when we don't have significant sunshine every day. I thank that for getting me through at all.
I probably should have sought help. Easy to say in hindsight. But I kept thinking, "It will be alright," and "Its not so bad." By the time I let myself really face the issues, I was actually beginning to recover. And I did, at that time, get help. It didn't take much at that point, but I'm glad I had the support.
The root of it was at work. I love my job and what I do with and for people. I like nearly everyone I work with. There was one person outside that "nearly everyone" category who was causing much grief for others. After a period of time, that person moved on to a different job, and the rest of us began to heal. Then the replacement was hired, and it looked like things would settle down. Briefly, it looked that way.
And then ....
The newly hired person began to show colors. Bright colors. Penetrating colors. And not pretty colors, at all. Oh, not in front of the boss, but at other times .... it was awful!! And through the winter it became worse and worse. I had no particular problem with this person, but the atmosphere was absolutely poisoned. There were many who were unable to avoid contact and it was mostly negative. That person did not do the job, seemed to be unteachable, and was back stabbing anyone who got in the way, and the angst was awful. Since the person "behaved" in front of the boss, it appeared for a while that others weren't playing nice.
I began dreading going to work. I enjoy my job, but the ugliness was affecting everyone, if not directly, then by the ripples of ugliness radiating from the core of the problems. I did my best to avoid getting in the thick of it, but it isn't possible to be in the workplace and not pick up on some of it, especially when it is a small agency.
I felt tired a lot. I began to avoid some social things, feeling too tired to make myself go out, especially at night. Of course, that deepened the depression. I was less than on top of housework, so having a messy house added to the problem. Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera ..... [Did you hear Yul Brenner just then? :D]
So again, thank goodness much of that is over. At any rate, the increased sunshine, the pleasant weather, and the fact that I'm back on track is very good. I've begun several healthy new practices, and have more planned. The study course will begin very soon, as I expect my books and study materials to arrive tomorrow or Saturday. I'm excited about many things again. It feels good. :)
Not only has the cloud lifted, but new projects are sprouting, too. I love developing new components. Today the boss and I talked with some folks about starting a cancer support group for patients and families using educational pieces to help people change thinking and life styles. By including allopathic medical people, natural and nutritional experts, practitioners of acupuncture and biofeedback, we hope to be able to direct folks to taking preventative measures and finding healthier lifestyles in the future.
This fits well with parts of my job already underway .... public speaking about Hospice, about aging, and about end of life issues in general. My purpose in all this is to touch as many as I can with information to demystify these topics and redirect thinking into healthier and better informed paths. I guess it's that old thing about "if I can change the life of one person, I will have done my job."
So, I'm back! I had a grueling six months or so, but I'm back on track. It feels good. Onward and upward!!
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