I've begun to put the exterior of the house back together after all this time. Yesterday I braved the near 100 degree temps and put 2 of 11 storm windows back into place. It was easier than I had anticipated, but I limited myself to the 2. I didn't get up early enough to do some of them today, and I may be unable to do any for a couple more. Today I just slept too late, and with the heat going only into the 80s at night and 100+ through Tuesday, I just may skip it. I'd like to get them in to help the air conditioner do it's work, but I like me better than the machine!
I also did some more scraping of old grout in the shower yesterday. Sitting on the floor just about killed my back and legs, so I'm not doing any of that today. I also decided that I should probably just quit being a perfectionist and re-grout now. If I keep up this "doing it right" stuff, I will be here for another year! I can't do that! I'm so ready to be gone from here. It is becoming a huge burden, just making myself do almost anything. My heart isn't it anymore. I can't make this house look like I want it to look, like it looked in a better, happier time. So I gotta do just what has to be and get on with life elsewhere.
I'm giving a lot of thought to my journey in recent days, both the past and the one that is coming. This last week was emotionally difficult for me on several levels, and I was thinking, probably way too much. But there is a good outcome, too. I am really getting pretty much ready to turn lose and go away from here. I still struggle because of the comfortable familiarity of this house, but it will be a relief to have a smaller place that is less trouble to keep up. There is no person who needs 5 bedrooms in 2000+ square feet! I am also leaning strongly toward considering a condo, 1 level, with limited exterior upkeep for me to have to manage.
So, I'm hoping that the coming week will be more productive around the house for me than the last. I'm also hoping that I will continue to maintain a high level of mental and emotional processing that helps me to follow my heart. You all know that my heart is already there, and I'm losing steam with it being so far away.
Hope the coming weeks is awesome . . . for all of us!