I watched CBS News Sunday Morning today, and there was in interesting interview with Kenny Rogers. I was impressed with some things I learned about him, but one thing particularly struck me in particular. He was talking about how he has gone from one career event to another, and the changes it has made in him. He said, "No matter what I did, I could never be what I was before."
That is how I'm seeing my life now as I work through the grief process. In the last couple days I've thought a lot about something I already knew, but I have just become keenly aware of these things. I'm amazed at what has been accomplished in the past few months, and I certainly thank everyone who has contributed to that metamorphous. But most of all, I'm becoming aware of what I have achieved on my own. I'll save the bulk of that for another post, but to realize the huge positive strides I’ve made in the cosmetic adjustments in this house, in my attitude, in developing my skills and ability to handle things as a single woman has been amazing to me. I’ve been afloat in an endless sea at times, or so it seemed, but I’ve kept the rudder in the water most of the time, and without even realizing it, I’ve navigated myself very close to the shore now.
Kenny is right. I can never be what I was before.
PS added 9/4/06 - Please remember my buddy, Ali, in your prayers, meditations, gentle thoughts as he has surgery tomorrow. I'm hoping, almost desperately, for a benign tumor. I can't imagine life without him. Thank you deeply.