Responsibility

In every person who comes near you look for what is good and strong;
honor that; try to imitate it, and your faults will drop off like dead leaves
when their time comes.
~~John Ruskin (1819-1900) English Art Critic

We have no more right to put our discordant states of mind into the lives
of those around us and rob them of their sunshine and brightness than
we have to enter their houses and steal their silverware.
~~Julia Seton

Often we change jobs, friends and spouses instead of ourselves.
~~Akbarali H. Jetha

~ ~ ~ ~

The first quote above is one I've used before, but I'm taking a slight shift in my focus and it is still pertinent. The others are new thought provokers.

I spent many years presenting a positive attitude, and I think most people thought I was fine. The day came that I knew I HAD TO LIVE IT. I needed internalize the positive or I was going to be lost, physically or mentally. My husband was not well, my own health was worsening, marriage was not well, my ability to deal with people and the other things of life was declining. I wish I could put into words how I turned it around, but I can't. I simply don't know ... except I began more introspection, meditation, sometimes doing it while I was so angry, frustrated, physically or emotionally stressed that I was having trouble moving or thinking.

This change wasn't easy. There were a lot of times that I slipped into the old negative pattern. Over time I caught it earlier, corrected the path more easily, and gradually found greater levels of peace and calm in my life. Even in very recent times, I've struggled. I suspect this is the way my life will play out. I don't expect the path of my life's journey to be without potholes and speed bumps. I wish it would, but I don't expect it. However, dealing with it becomes easier with each bump and hole. I equate it to driving down a road with the same obstacles ... you learn to slow down, watch carefully, and try to steer around the pitfalls. That way, you at least manage to take a small bump at the edge rather than letting the whole tire fall into the wide gap at the middle of the hazard.

I have had several of you ask me privately, off the blog, why I hadn't shared my frustration over the delays in the house closing, and/or commented that they didn't know that I was in a personal struggle. But you see, that is the whole point! If I need help in dealing with it, I’d ask. What I’ve been experiencing was something that no one could have changed. Yes, you could have commiserated with me, but it was hardly at the level that I consider in need of that. Yes, I might have felt justified because you would have sympathized with me ... or in some cases, empathized because of your own experiences. But ... I was not in danger. I was not in (real) crisis.

Had I involved you in my whining about the unfortunate situation, I would have been pushing my negative sniveling on you, and in the process, probably bringing some of you down to my sad level. OK, probably a few would read it and think how fortunate they are, but human nature is that the greater number would feel the discomfort and internalize some of it. By not gritching about the ineptness of the various delays, I stayed focused on the positives that I could live with, send out to you and to others in my life. And guess what? I got positives back! You see, I was caring about you ... but I was also taking care of ol’ #1 here at the same time, because you fed me with your feel-goods. That, my friends, is what I needed! I didn’t need sympathy. I didn’t need you to be saying to me that I should kick their butts, etc. I needed what I got ... nice things such as: I’m an inspiration (thank you, Dawn!); that you “glean positivity” from my blog (thanks, Catherine!); that you recognize my discipline (Eileen, you’ve boosted me more than once); that I’ve said something that you needed to hear (Im glad I was there, Caroline and Catherine); and on and on. You see, every time I hear a message such as that, I felt better and walked with a lighter load on my shoulders.

If I need to blurt something, I do. If you remember, when I was losing my dear little dog, Mai Lin, last fall, I opened the door for all of you to support me. And you did. That was more than I could handle without a lot of help. Death of a loved one is of that nature and requires layers upon layers of comfort and encouragement. I had it in daily life from my son, but my heart was so torn that I needed all the kind words I could get.

So I weigh the challenges, and I handle them according to the urgency and my level of need. I know that when I radiate positive, I will get it back, usually many times over. I don’t want to be depositing negatives energies into the banks of my friends. I want there to be a surplus of vibrant energy there waiting for my withdrawal. I want to be responsible for my own happiness, for my direction, for my success. I know that I don’t get there alone, I have lots of help and support, but I made the choices and was the driving force. I want to know that I’m where I am because I’ve plotted the course and paved the way with positives. I hope to someday be in such a good place in my heart and my head that I never blame another for the road bumps I experience. Big order, huh?

How responsible are you? Do you accept responsibility for your own happiness, for the path you are walking, for making choices that have left you in situations that are less than you want of your life? If you tell me to “kiss your karma,” I hope it is so I can soak up some of the positives in your life!!