These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Monday, April 07, 2008

A Blue Monday, For Sure

This morning I made a phone call I'd been dreading to the vet. A visit to his office followed. I've expected exactly what he told me. My little China Doll has cancer.

A year or more ago we found some lumps in her tummy area. He checked them out and they were simply cysts, nothing to worry about. Over the last few weeks I've noticed more of them appearing. I began to wonder, but they didn't seem any different, so I just watched them.

Then last week they began to look red and on Friday night I noticed that they felt hot. I decided to take her this morning and have them checked, and as if her little body knew that, there were some drops of blood coming from the area early today.

It turns out that she has developed some tumors, and now that he showed me, they are different than the cysts. She has mammary cancer, just like her mommy-dog did. I felt bad about waiting, but he told me not to worry or blame myself. Knowing it earlier probably would not change the course of treatment, because he would be very reluctant to do surgery due to the Cushing's Disease. Her liver is already compromised to a degree, and her autoimmune system is not functioning at optimal levels. At her age, 15 in seven weeks, he said he would be afraid of her not being able to survive the surgery and her healing would be greatly extended. She might not recover to be herself. I don't want that.

China Doll (on the right) with her sissy, Mai Tai

The blood is coming from an abscess of one of the tumors. She is now on an antibiotic, and we will likely have to repeat this treatment periodically as he believes it will continue to form abscesses. Otherwise, unless she shows signs of pain, we just let her be the sweetness that is China.

She shows no signs whatsoever of any discomfort. She was prancing around in the office, as spunky as you wish. He said she may alright for weeks or even months possibly. We don't know that the tumors are malignant, and I opted to not have a biopsy. I won't put her through anything I don't have to, and I won't worry so much if I don't know. And in case you're wondering, I wouldn't be much relieved if I know it is benign. You see, with the Cushing's, she is on borrowed time anyway, so it doesn't matter. I'll just spend whatever time there is loving her and enjoying what a delight she is.

The doc said that he has been fond of her since we began coming in, because of her sweet nature, her perky prancing, and her obvious determination. You see, China has had epilepsy since she was just six months old. She was a miracle puppy in some ways. I knew I couldn't let her go. I just had a gut feeling that I shouldn't sell her. And she has been a little bit of a special needs dog with the care for the seizures and keeping her from overheating as it tended to make her more likely to have a seizure. She needed to be with me. Then the Cushing's diagnosis made sense to me about why she gained weight. I felt guilty about that, too, for a couple years and until I understood that Cushing's makes her metabolism not work right, and her appetite is skewed by it. I don't know for sure, but I question that someone else would have had the patience, and even the love, to care for her as I have. She is absolutely my baby, no question about it.

So I'm a little blue today. I've been expecting health failure from either of my kiddos for a while now. Recently I've seen deterioration and slowing down in Ali, but China has seemed relatively stable, just a small bit of muscle loss in one leg, another part of the Cushing's. So I was kinda-sorta ready for this, and I'm not in tears, but my mood is low. No matter how I'm prepared, it still hurts when it actually comes to pass. I'm gonna say it again ... our four-legged family members should live exactly as long as we do. Exactly.



  1. Nothing to say that will help, just sending a bunch of Froggi hugs to you, China & Ali.

  2. awwww Lynilu I am so sorry....not a thing I can say to make you feel better. Keep loving her, just like always. Hugs


  3. Oh damn. I am sooo sorry to hear this. You know you (and Ali and China) will be in my thoughts and prayers. And you know Sophie, Bonk and Ben will all be saying an extra prayer for China tonight.

    Sending you and the babies lots and lots of hugs.

  4. I have a little black pom around your dog's age. I remember a few years back, my daughter without realizing what it sounded like said: I really hope you die before the dog does.

    Meaning she thought it would be hard for me to go through. She was so embarassed when she thought about it.

    Best wishes.

  5. I'm sorry to hear about China. I agree with you that our pets should live the same lives that we do. Here are some hugs for both of you (U) -s3-

  6. Hugs hugs hugs.

    I've been in your shoes and it isn't easy. I am so sorry to read this news.

    I'm thinking of you and China and holding you close in my heart.

  7. I, too, am sending thoughts of happiness your way. The best treasure of any pet is the love, both given and received.

  8. I'm sorry honey. {{{{{Lyn}}}}}

  9. Thank you, all of you. I know that all or most of of you have been through this, and I have more times than I choose to remember. It never gets easier.

    We appreciate the thoughts, the prayers, the hugs, and the simple understanding. Today (Tuesday) is a new day, and we are going to enjoy our life on the mountain as fully as we can, smile as wide as possible, and take it one stride at a time.

    Thanks again.

  10. ((((hugs)))) -- I just feel so sad about heart is with you. You will keep loving her spirit and her beautiful self and make her life as comfy as possible...just like you always do.

  11. China is just the sweetest little thing. I am so very sad to hear this. She is lucky to have you for her Mommy Lynilu.

  12. Oh Sweetie... this post absolutely broke my heart. I'm so SORRY. But your positivity surely must be what keeps little China Doll so spunky and happy. She's as lucky to have you as you are to have her.

    Lots of hugs.

  13. Oh no. I'm so sorry to hear about this. Big hugs and lots of good vibes coming your way.

    15 years old! That's a grand dame you've got there.

  14. Oh no, I am sorry. I am glad she seems to be feeling ok.

    Sheesh-animals are so great, which makes it even harder when things go awry.


If you have something to say about it, just stick out your thumb, and I'll slow down so you can hop aboard! But hang on, 'cause I'm movin' on down the road!!! No time to waste!!!