There is a Wild Eyed Monster Loose in My House

Alright, I'm breathing again. And no fire is coming from my facial orifices. But an hour and a half ago? Just ask the dogs.

They have been sooooo quiet for this period of time. And when I moved, their eyes followed me. Carefully. Just in case.

What happened?

Let me give you a riddle ..........

What do these things have in common:

• two sandals, not matched, one black birkenstock type and one woven leather straps, multicolor;
• one bra, tan color;
• one picture of me with China, Ali and Mai Lin asleep in a recliner;
• one decorative wooden duck decoy;
• one leather belt;
• one heavy duty bungee cord;
• one box of tissues, half-filled.

Any ideas? Any guesses?

OK, they were all chewed up by an unnamed dog(s) in my home in the last few days. My first suspect is Sam, but Max is running a very close second. I have not been able to catch anyone in the act.

I've been a mellow, understanding parent through all of this, realizing that they have not internalized many of the social guidelines that dogs need to live inside a home, and that I, as their pack leader, must be better about putting things where they can't reach them, while teaching them those points. Actually several of these items were "out of reach," or so I thought. My previous dogs and current long-term one have never been challenges in this way.

Tonight was the last straw. The second sandal was completely demolished. Well, the leather straps were; the rubber sole is undamaged. Within ten minutes, the box of tissues came to my attention when Max, Sam and Jazi all trotted in the room with tissue hanging from their little chops! Not that it was a big loss, but it was the proverbial straw that broke this camel's back.

I really lost it. I screamed at them, at all of them, at none of them, at nothing, at everything. I threw the shoe into the trash with force, after waving it wildly in the air and screaming, "NO! NO! NO! NO!" at the top of my lungs. (It's a good thing I don't have close neighbors!) Then as I picked up the shreds of tissue from all over the bedroom and straggling into the kitchen and living room, I shouted, "NO! NO! NO! NO!" with each piece I picked up, about a hundred of them.

By this time all the dogs but Ali, who is deaf enough that he either didn't hear or barely did and ignored me, were slinking away from me. Well, duh, I would, too, if a crazy woman were behaving like that in my presence! Anyway, after that I simply sat back down on the couch and one by one, Joey, Max, Sam and Jazi, gingerly entered the room, found a place to lie down and every so quietly did so. And didn't move until just moments ago. The "potty timer" went off and they tentatively edged toward the door. I told them, in my normal voice, that it's OK, let's go outside, and they relaxed a bit and went out. When then came back in, they have come one at a time and laid beside me on the couch, and a few moments ago, the boys began to play again, a bit more subdued than usual, but they are playing.

I hope they aren't scarred. But I hope they know I'm tired of things being chewed up!

The duck decoy, BTW, sits on my deck and it isn't necessarily precious. It is big, as big as or bigger than any of them. But the little buggers have chewed off about half of his bill. Now what good is a snub nosed duck decoy?