These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Monday, November 24, 2008

I'm Cyni-Lyni This Morning

First of all, let me warn you that I'm gong to express a lot of cynicism in this post. WHAT?!?!
Ms. Ray of Sunshine" Lynilu being cynical? Can that all exist in one sentence? Oh, yeah. But it is not bitter, ugly cynicism, just the huh? kind.

What do you think of same sex marriage? Do you think it should be allowed?

Personally, I'm skeptical. WAIT, WAIT, don't flog me!! I'm skeptical about marriage, period. I can't help but wonder why a group would fight for something as flawed as the marital institution. I mean, would you buy, drive home and put your dear family into a car if the probability that you will arrive safely at your destination in one piece were less than 50%? Those are the statistics about marriage! I wouldn't drive a car that was rated at less than 50% safety on the road. I found statistics as high as 57% of failed marriage; barely four in ten marriages survive!! You want me to climb into a vehicle that is that likely to have mechanical failure? I think not!

I'm not really against marriage. I'm just saying that it makes no sense to me to scramble toward marriage when the institution is so damaged. If marriage were a treasure, as it should be, then yes, it would be worth the fight. I think it is sad that marriage is such a casual, easy-come, easy-go type of relationship.

Relationships are the core of our lives and hold much of our mental/emotional stability in place .... or send it spinning and flailing into the darkness. So why, why do gays fight to be let into this morass??

I think, if you're worried about the "rights" of marriage (not "rites"), then get a lawyer, draw up a solid contract ( a living will even gets you around the inheritance taxes), including directives of who can visit you in the hospital or make final decisions for you, and spend the difference between the lawyer's fee and the wedding costs on one hellava vacation (an un-honeymoon???)!! IMO, the important thing is the solid foundation of the relationship, the commitment, the love and devotion. And none of those require a contract, a legal or religious component. In fact, the legal or religious things are nothing.... n.o.t.h.i.n.g.... without that other list.

On the other hand, perhaps the gay community will teach all of us something about commitment. I know some couples that have been together for longer than many of the hetero couples around. We need to recognize that people are just people, and don't we all want the same basics, including the right to live with the person we love without harassment, scorn and ridicule? Don't we all want to be seen as simply fellow citizens, trying to make a go of it in the world? And bottom line .... who freakin' cares??? As I said above, I really don't see what the "sanctity of marriage" adds to a loving relationship. But it does add for many people, so let it be. Let people love who they wish, how they wish, and under the legal umbrella that is currently held for "heterosexuals only." (Hmmm, doesn't that remind you of another distinction from the near past? "Blacks only" was not long ago, folks.)

OK, I'm done. And now you know my cynicism isn't against the people who have different paths than my own. It is just against fighting to have .... or to insanely hold onto .... an exclusive institution that is crumbling as I speak. But that is just me. Now .... enjoy the video below!!

I'm leaving the house no so no one can find me and flog me!!! LOL!!


  1. You make a good point however i'm old-fashioned and a sucker for marriage LOL

  2. I agree with Patti....I love the thought of getting married and being able to my other half "wife" not just partner. (BTW, the concept of calling my other half wife is new to me)

    There are so many other benefits that come with getting married. You get SS benefits if your spouse dies, there is never a question as to who inherits things when one spouse dies, etc.

    If I had a child with Susan and I was the one that gave birth, then we would have to spend thousands of dollars to make sure that she would be able to keep the child if I passed away. When two hetero people get married and have a baby there is none of that. If something happened to me then my parents could easily come in and say they had more of a right to the child since they were my parents. Although it would be interesting since I am adopted and technially they are not blood relatives.

    When two people get married it's an outward symbol to the world that they are a couple and I don't think it's fair that someone else can tell me who I can and can't marry.

  3. I agree 110 percent also. The mormons have no right to fight as they did in CA. First of all if we want to protect the "sancity of marriage" then make divorce illegal cause that is what is killing marragies. My second thing is the seperation of Church and State. I believe that was so trampled on with prop 8 that the admentmant is still dusting off the footprints.
    I would love to comment more but it would be so long so I will stop thanks Lyn for this.

  4. I agree with Redfrog...divorce is what is destroying marriage...not gays.

  5. MQ, marriage is a good thing if the people in it are committed. I agree. And yes, you're a sucker! :D

    Caroline, I knew I'd get a rise our of you! I agree with you. But the elements you cite are *LEGAL* ones. All but the social security can be addressed through a legal route. The institution of marriage actually doesn't represent what we say it does. If it did, divorce rates would not be this high. People marry without commitment, without being ready, without reason. It *should* symbolize "coupleness." And I guess it does until one of the two decides they want to be in a different couple, or are tired of the work it takes to make a marriage work.

    I don't disagree with you. You should have the right to marry any person you want. Just marry for the right reasons and stay married.

    [aside] I'll bet I get a phone call and lecture tonight.

    Red, first of all, Prop * is a piece of crap and I was amazed and aghast that it passed. That being said, yes, we should focus on the problem .... the divorce rate. That is my whole point. I don't understand why someone would want to enter a marriage when the failure rate is so high. I would personally go the legal right to assure my property goes where I want it to, and just live with a commitment to that person.

    And Caroline, I know, I know!! All I'm saying is that these days, "marriage" is not what it used to be, a sacred and permanent bond. It is now a temporary adhesive that you can pull loose and stick to something/one else in a flash!!

    We need to fix marriages.

  6. I am a sucker for marriage. I laugh and say I bypassed my first and am headed for my second. On a serious note, marriage is huge and many people are not really prepared to work had keeping it going. I don't think that John Q Public really has an understanding of homosexuality and until that understanding occurs there will always be opposition to same-sex marriage.

  7. Being on marriage number two, I'm pretty skeptical myself. And yet.... I'd do it again! I know, what a glut for punishment I am.

  8. Personally, I've had enough of marriage to last a life time...or several of them. The gay folks I know simply want the rights that married couples have. There is a ridiculous number of them that even domestically partnered couples don't get. That's about all I know on the subject.

  9. get out of my head . . .i posted my video about this and then read your post . . .scary. i also put the song on my blog as well.

    i would have more thoughts, but the drugs won't let me share them right now.

  10. Oh. I agree. I am cynical too. Marriage is a risky business.

    However, I can totally see why gay folk would want to try. They are as foolish as het folk and there is no reason why they don't have the right to be equally disappointed in marriage as hets have been for eons.

  11. Lawyers made getting out of a marriage more appealing. Throw in have a child and not working makes getting out of marriage even better.


  12. I called off one engagement 4 days prior to the wedding because I knew it wouldn't last and I didn't want to get divorced. Everyone was planning to come into town, I still had to pay for the whole shebang... but it was worth it to know that I did the right thing. I didn't want to end up nothing but a divorce statistic.

    That said, I've been married 7 months and I love it. It's easy for a newbie to say! My husband and I discussed every last ugly subject we could scrounge up before we got married to make sure we covered all the possible reasons that would lead us to divorce. I think if more couples (gay or straight) were honest like that with each other before they made a marriage committment we'd have a far lower divorce rate. Sure, tough conversations are not fun. But neither is a divorce!

  13. Everyone, let me just say again that I hope this becomes a thing of the past. I think it stinks that people can not make their own life choices, provided they are within legal/moral/ethical limits (and this is) without recrimination from society. Perhaps marriage should be obliterated and legal unions be the standard for everyone, including all the amenities: social security, legal parent-child relationships, property ownership, medical and end-of-life issues, the whole ball of wax.

    Divorce sucks. Sometimes it is necessary and everyone is actually better afterward, but it sucks. I wish our concentration as a society could be shifted on fixing marriage, learning how to avoid divorce, how to work out a marriage conflict, and how to be sure we KNOW what we are getting into B.E.F.O.R.E the vows.

    I do understand people wanting to be married, but I will say again .... in today's statistics, it is akin to boarding a jet that is known to have serious structural and safety issues, and planning a round-the-world trip. Thank you, I'll walk.

    [stay tuned .... I may eat these words in a few years, and you can all have a good chuckle at Cyni-Lyni!!!]

  14. I am SO late to the party!! I'm about 400 posts behind on my reading, but this one popped out at me. :o)

    I'm one of those lucky ones I guess. I've been married to the same guy for 20 years and I still like him every bit as much as I did 20 years ago. (Notice I didn't say "love". I still love him, too, but I think a lot of times divorce is more about like than love.)

    BUT, I totally agree with what you're saying. Statistics are pretty rotten.

    That being said, I just don't understand what all the hububb is about. Why is it being legislated when the problem is a religious one? And how does gay marriage compromise hetero marriage? I can't see the connection.

    I guess that's all I've got to say about that. It's late, I'm tired, and you've totally moved on. lol

  15. Jen, you said it perfectly. I love that you said you LIKE him. So many don't get that that is more important than love. Like without love is still a good thing, but love without like .... trouble.

    The church/state separation thing is so true. Why, oh why, have we muddled the waters?

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If you have something to say about it, just stick out your thumb, and I'll slow down so you can hop aboard! But hang on, 'cause I'm movin' on down the road!!! No time to waste!!!