I forgot to publish this yesterday! Oops!
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Associate with those who help you believe in yourself.
~Brooks Robinson
Have you ever had one of those friends who seemed to be trying to be sure you know you're no better than she is? It is frustrating, isn't it, especially when you don't think you are and don't think you've acted superior?
I accept people for who they are. When I meet you, I assume that "what I sees is what I gets." Only when you prove me wrong do I change that opinion. I have to say most of the time my first impression is right. If I think you're nice, you probably are.
But then once in a while there is someone who isn't that person I thought. That person who appears to wait for a vulnerable moment and says something undermining. Like the person who said, when I was thrilled to be in a smaller size jeans, "They must be mismarked." Or the one who agreed with me in private, but waited for me to express something in a group, and always, always said something like, "Well, I guess that's one way of looking at it."
I've never understood why some people seem to need tear other people down. Oh, I understand the basic dynamics of bring others down to their level, but I don't understand how that can possibly make a person feel better. It feels better to me when I can say or so something that makes the other person feel better about themselves, not worse. I make mistakes. I'm certainly human and say or do thoughtless things, but I try very hard to not do that. If I'm around someone whom I have trouble finding decent things about, I usually back away from them. I don't want to be the toxic person in someone's life.
And when I find a person who begins to feel toxic in my life, I do the same. I remove myself from that person's presence as quickly as I can. I don't say or do anything other than put distance between us. Life is too short to waste having misery!
I do not want only people who flatter me with untrue praise. But I do want people who are with me because they want to be with me, and people who want to see me rise, not sink. Think of it. What a powerful team that makes! I gotcher back. Ya got mine?
Tell us about a really good bud you have had, one who helped you to believe in yourself, or about how you dealt with someone who wanted to tear you down.
You and I do think a like in many ways Lyn. I've never in recent times had a friend like that as I just won't let myself get into that position. Now perhaps as a young girl, I really don't remember. I have had one good friend since the third grade, we still stay in contact.
ReplyDeleteThere are some people that I know of that act as if they are better than me. I just don't associate myself with them anymore. I don't care for the click thing and that is how they are. I don't want to have to prove myself, I am what I am. I consider myself to be a very good friend. A true friend is one who should always try to pick you up when you are down or just listen when you need to be heard. Love Di ♥
You know Lyn, I try to see the good in everyone, but I have had a few "friends" in the past where they seemed nice, but my gut was screaming that something was off. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I would feel a zinger flung at me or undermined. It took me a while to figure out and trust my instincts that this person was not really a friend, but actually toxic. I guess I did not want to see it, but once I was honest with myself and saw what it really was, I was much better off by ending the friendship.
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The last few years I have adapted a new policy: Play nice or get out of my sandbox!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
andrea
Di, one of those who made me feel most betrayed was a friend since 6th or 7th grade. We stayed in touch for years (writing, email, telephone, face to face occasionally), but when we came to live nearby, I found a person I hadn't experienced in our long years of being "in touch." You just never know. It's sad.
ReplyDeleteCheryl, we all make mistakes, getting into relationships that don't work. I think the healthy thing is to admit it and find a way out. I'm better at backing away than I once was. Life is too precious to do otherwise!
Andrea, good rule!!
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to keep up with everyone as you go through life, but we all know who are the ones who make us feel better about ourselves!
ReplyDeleteYes, and I think I've become smarter in that "knowing" as I've aged, Freda. Thank goodness!
ReplyDeleteBRAVO!!! Very well said!!!
ReplyDeleteMy family is like that and I think I tend towards people who mirror my family's negativity. And probably, I am negative and underming sometimes as that is what I am used to....altho, for the most part I think I am positive and supportive. Anway, I don't distance myself enough from people who are diminishing and hence, I often feel drained and unhappy. Trying to change this!
ReplyDeleteI heard about a business book which talks about the difference between people who ar uplifting and folks who are dimishing. I think the books is called The Multipliers...as in being supportive of others multiplies good outcomes.
It is hard to change familial patterns. After all, they are part of us. But if you can, woohooo! And I like the idea of Multipliers. Great concept.
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