A good marriage is one that allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love.
Pearl Buck
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Thinking about my request for prayers. Marriage is such a sensitive balance, isn't it? But an important piece of it is that we must allow each other the room to be individuals; individuals who are stuck together for life, of course, and who grow more alike with every year, but individuals.
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A person's character is what it is. It's a little like a marriage-- only without the option of divorce. You can work on it and try to make it better, but basically you have to take the bitter with the sweet.
Henrick Hertzberg
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When we marry, we think we know everything about that person, don't we? But we don't. You don't know who another person is, through and through, until you live with them. That's when you learn about the character of your partner. When you've been together long enough, the true character emerges, and .... well, sometimes it is as good or better than what you expected, but sometimes it's not. Character is a better foundation for marriage than love is. Love can be learned. It can come and go and come back again. But character .... that rarely changes.
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It is not lack of love but lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900) German philosopher
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Being friends in a marriage is the greatest thing that can happen. We don't always like each other, whether friends or lovers, but friendship plus love equals something beyond definition. The most successful marriages are those where people describe their mate as their best friend. It seems wise to work on liking each other and being friends .... love will follow.
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Kindness is the life’s blood, the elixir of marriage. Kindness makes the difference between passion and caring. Kindness is tenderness. Kindness is love, but perhaps greater than love. ... Kindness is good will. Kindness says, “I want you to be happy.” Kindness comes very close to the benevolence of God.
Randolph Ray
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Kindness. I don't think a marriage can survive without kindness. Wanting your lover to feel the best of everything should be an integral part of the relationship. I mean, really, why would anyone want anything else for the person they love? In a Hedonistic world of "me, me, me" I'm afraid it happens all too often that we don't pay attention to what really makes that other person happy. Some people are really good about giving gifts to their special other, but often the gifts are chosen based on my wishes, not yours. We don't listen. We don't even know what would make that person happy. And sometimes what makes you happy isn't at the top of my list. But ya know what? I'm more interested in making your life happy, being thoughtful about you, in being kind. Then .... then I'm happy.
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All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that cause all the trouble.
Raymond Hull
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OK, that's kinda tongue in cheek to end this post. But it is true. Marriage is work and many people don't want to work as hard as is often necessary. Living together is sometimes a bitch! That's too bad, because after you work on it, that's when the best of all comes to you. The peace of marriage. The fun of marriage. The real marriage.
We are going through the breakup of a marriage here. A daughter and her husband are going through this now. It has been a year of hell for all involved. So true, the living together is the cause of all the trouble. It takes real skill, a lot of love, grace and mercy.
ReplyDeleteAnd we all tend to forget that marriage isn't easy! It takes a lot of work to make it good.
ReplyDeleteIt is tough, isn't it?
Great reminders about marriage and commitement in general.
ReplyDeleteI think those "rules" apply to all relationships. Marriage, friendship, committed personal relationship of ANY kind. Honestly, I don't continue relationships with people who can't generally follow them. Life is to short to be disrespected by someone who is supposed to have your back. Yeah, good reminders.
ReplyDeleteAny young man contmplating marriage should pay particular attention to his intended's Mother and Father (especially how the Father is treated) It has been my experience that most women turn into their Mother and do their level best to turn their husband into their Father.
ReplyDeleteJimmy, I think there is probably truth in that statement. It behooves both persons to view the other one's family carefully, because it is hard for us to change old habits (family habits.
ReplyDeleteI'm just always amazed at how many of my friends and acquaintances are on their second marriage. Most seem very happy. Maybe it takes a failure to make it work the second time.
ReplyDeleteWe are at 44 years, it's a bit rocky at the moment, but i'm sure we will work it out.
I just wish he were more of a friend.
Merikay, it's rarely easy, is it? I know there were times I felt the friendship and others, not so much. Good luck to you. It's hard, but it's worth the work, I think.
ReplyDeleteLove and passion - rationality and analysis - Aha, back to the drawing board!
ReplyDeleteI think I believe in divorce more than marriage. I know it's not the relgious way but there are lots of ways to be unfaithful to a partner, treating them badly psychologically or physicaly is also an unfaithfulness to the relationship. A person should not and should not be expected to put up with an unhappy relationship year on year.
Jimmy, I think you're spot on. It is sad that divorce is so prevalent and accepted. And, yes, the ways to be unfaithful comprise a very long list, I'm afraid. I enjoy being single. I can only blame myself for what doesn't work!
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