I know, I know. I haven't been posting. I'm so distracted recently. It will pass, I know that, but meanwhile I feel little control over my life.
I'm dealing with two divorces in the family, one on the East coast and the other on the West coast. Both situations are ugly and painful. I want to just gather both my girls up and hide them from what is passing as their lives at this moment, keeping them hidden and safe till the whole thing is over. I can't, of course, and I know that would be so dysfunctional, anyway. Knowledge does not substitute for wisdom; and it does not trump emotions. sigh.
It seems I'm trying to put out fires one place or another. Emotional fires. Crap! What is wrong with these men??? I don't kid myself that either of my girls is perfect, but neither deserves what they are being slapped with. "I don't love you, and I'm not sure I ever did." "I'm doing everything I can to help you." Broken promises. Flawed character exploding all over the walls. Wishy-washy mind changing on a regular basis. And outright passive-aggressive goading. I just don't get why it has to get nasty. Been there, done that, and we were able to part without major ugliness. But then we both had character and utilized it. I've advised my girls to take the high road, not stoop to those levels of hatefulness being shoved at them, and it has only caused further vulnerability that has been used against them. However, I want them both to feel good about who they are and how they conducted themselves when it is over. damn.
In the midst of all this, I'm struggling with financial needs. If I don't find a job quickly, I don't know what I will do. I have some left in my retirement account, and if I have to I will draw that out and eke by, pay off all bill possible, but that leaves me with nothing for emergencies. It wasn't supposed to come to this, but finding a job at 66 years of age is a challenge alone, then with this economy .... well ....
So I'm in a funk. I'm not immobilized, but I'm really sad about the whole situation. Forgive me if I don't blog as much as usual for a while. Could be a week, or a month, I don't know. I just know I have to get some things stabilized in my life. Say a prayer, OK?