I know, I know. I haven't been posting. I'm so distracted recently. It will pass, I know that, but meanwhile I feel little control over my life.
I'm dealing with two divorces in the family, one on the East coast and the other on the West coast. Both situations are ugly and painful. I want to just gather both my girls up and hide them from what is passing as their lives at this moment, keeping them hidden and safe till the whole thing is over. I can't, of course, and I know that would be so dysfunctional, anyway. Knowledge does not substitute for wisdom; and it does not trump emotions. sigh.
It seems I'm trying to put out fires one place or another. Emotional fires. Crap! What is wrong with these men??? I don't kid myself that either of my girls is perfect, but neither deserves what they are being slapped with. "I don't love you, and I'm not sure I ever did." "I'm doing everything I can to help you." Broken promises. Flawed character exploding all over the walls. Wishy-washy mind changing on a regular basis. And outright passive-aggressive goading. I just don't get why it has to get nasty. Been there, done that, and we were able to part without major ugliness. But then we both had character and utilized it. I've advised my girls to take the high road, not stoop to those levels of hatefulness being shoved at them, and it has only caused further vulnerability that has been used against them. However, I want them both to feel good about who they are and how they conducted themselves when it is over. damn.
In the midst of all this, I'm struggling with financial needs. If I don't find a job quickly, I don't know what I will do. I have some left in my retirement account, and if I have to I will draw that out and eke by, pay off all bill possible, but that leaves me with nothing for emergencies. It wasn't supposed to come to this, but finding a job at 66 years of age is a challenge alone, then with this economy .... well ....
So I'm in a funk. I'm not immobilized, but I'm really sad about the whole situation. Forgive me if I don't blog as much as usual for a while. Could be a week, or a month, I don't know. I just know I have to get some things stabilized in my life. Say a prayer, OK?
Sorry you and your girls are going through such a rough patch right now. I will say a prayer for all of you and keep good thoughts and positive energy coming your way. Men can be shits, that's what's wrong with them. I've seen it over and over again and with very few exceptions it's them doing all the damage and the women trying to cope. I used to try to help my friends by telling them that the best revenge would be for them to be happy. Then they win over it all. It might take a while but hopefully they will get there. Good luck with the job search. With your many talents and network I bet you will find something.
ReplyDeleteDeb, that is what I hope for the girls. I do believe it will shake out for them both in the future, but this stage is just so painful for them .... and for me to observe. Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. Yes, it will all work out, I know.
ReplyDeleteEverything seems to be going wrong for you at once. So sorry to hear about it. I'll remember you in my prayers. Every Blessing
ReplyDeleteThank you, Freda. So much appreciated. :)
ReplyDeleteSome days are diamonds and some days are stones, but it sounds like you've hit a rock pile! Best wishes...
ReplyDeleteAll I can do is send hugs...do what you can to keep a positive attitude. Hoping you can find something that uses your creative side...you are so talented.
ReplyDeleteAs to your girls, that is NEVER easy!! I have one dealing with a bad situation and am trying to support her long distance. Just not fun...been there, done that...had hoped my kids wouldn't have to. Sigh..
Praying for you, sweet friend! Climb into your Heavenly Fathers arms and rest a little while! Allow HIM to pour HIMSELF out to you and through you. HE is the only one who can fix any of these situations or meet any one of these people, including you...at the very deepest moment of need.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
andrea
Thanks, all. It's just one of those times in life, and I know that. But knowing doesn't make it any less uncomfortable! I certainly appreciate the support! And Donna .... you took the words right outta my mouth. I hoped ..... sigh
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you and your girls are going through difficult times. I hope the New Year will bring brighter days. I'll keep you in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI think being single at your age is difficult. Everyone needs someone to share experiences with and to help out financially. Maybe sell the truck, just get a four wd auto, a cheapie. Maybe a room mate? Make a budget and then hack away at it until it becomes affordable. I'm sorry about your girls, but you know, we have all gone thru things like that. My granddaughters seem to be the ones with difficult spouses.
ReplyDeleteDo keep blogging! We don't mind if you just grumble and let it all out. It's good for you and maybe writing will make you feel better.
ReplyDeleteRemember you are not alone. We may not be able to change your situation, but we can send you our best wishes as you go.
From all of your blog friends.
Moni, yes, for those reasons it is somewhat difficult, but I often weigh it in my mind, and I'd almost rather struggle than have to adjust to living with someone at this age!
ReplyDeleteMerikay, I will, but perhaps not as often. We'll see.
Seems like we all need prayers Lyn and I sure am sorry about the girls. Unfortunately we can't save them from all the pains they have to go through, no matter how badly we want too! As far as the job goes, most towns have adult day care places. I worked for one as did my mother. We went to peoples (mostly elderly) to clean or shop or cook. Whatever they needed done. Most of these places are in need of help. Just a thought.You are in my prayers!
ReplyDeleteLove Di ♥
Di, thanks. Yes, it's something many are going through, for sure. I'm checking into several things along that line, Hospice and a couple of private home health care services that require only light duty as you mention. It'll work out. :)
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about everything that is going on. I really wish there was something that I could do for you. I hope my cyberhugs are helping a little. Wish I could give you a hug in person.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry that your girls are also going through hard times. I will keep all of them in my thoughts and prayers.
Cyberhugs always help, Caroline. :) But, as I keep saying to them, when this is over, we'll all be stronger. sighhhhh.
ReplyDelete