These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Letting go

Sometimes in life, we find ourselves at crossroads and have to make decisions we'd rather not make. I'm there. It's not exactly a huge, life shattering one, but I've been standing in this place for too long as I try to avoid making the decision I have.

I've had a friend for a while now, but she has backed away. We were very close for a long time, doing many things together. We have a lot of friends in common, and often show up at the same events, planned or not. Then a few months ago, there was a sudden change in our relationship. She seemed cool and distant.  I've asked about it, but she smiles, then her voice goes up about an octave (a certain sign of an untruth) and she says nothing is wrong. She was the same on the surface, yet several noticed a subtle undercurrent. At first, I thought it was just me, then realized it was generalized. Others noticed it, too, and it seemed it wasn't just me who felt the shift in her.

So I didn't take it personally once I realized that. I figured, as others did, that she was struggling with something. I've back off to give space.  I've given supportive comments during a difficult time in her life while being very careful to not encroach.  Her mother's health recently too a bad turn and after a few weeks, she passed away. Several of us have tried to gently support her fro a distance, but she hasn't communicated with us. We call her; she doesn't call us. And I've finally decided to just give it up. As I've stood at the crossroads trying to discern what is going on with her, the rest of my life has moved on. When I realized that a few days ago, I decided it is time to get on with life, and if she happens to make overtures in the future, play it by ear then. It is so odd that someone protests that all is well while seeming to be anything but. Oh well. Time to let go.

Have you noticed how some parts of your life continue to move along while others grind to a halt? For instance, some one dear to you dies, and that part of your life seems to stand still; yet, you go to work and do your job as usual, and you parent your children without much change, and you keep your dental appointments or haircuts. I've noticed things I've be unable to make a decision over, so I figuratively put them on a shelf, while the rest of my life progresses. That's what has happened with this friend. My relationship with her is "on hold" for the past few months while the rest of my life has gone on. Time to cut the line to that anchor.

All things in life have purpose. We don't always know why things happen. Sometimes a vacancy comes about to make room for a new tenant. Let's hope for the best for all!


  1. But it's hard when a friend turns away. I've broken off relationships with people over differences in basic values and philosophy, but at least I knew why.

    One thing that has hurt in the past was when friends I thought were true and strong drifted away after a geographic move. I always thought they were stronger ties. It was I who moved.

  2. I've had those philosophical rifts, too, and you're right, that at lease makes sense. This doesn't. Especially when I've made overtures to mend .... or find out what is to be mended!

  3. Huh???? I thought I commented this morning.

    I am sorry you are having to go through this. It is sad when we lose a friend; especially someone we were very close with.

    D is going through a similiar situation and tonight she said...I just really miss her as a friend.

    Hugs my friend.

  4. I've noticed several people saying they are having trouble with blogger today. I did a comment on a blog and it just vanished.

    Yes, it is hard, but then, letting go makes it possible for us to move on to new experiences. It's a bit sad at the time, but it is also part of the process of life.

  5. BTW, although it is a little hard to do that, I also had a sense of relief when I realized how stuck I was and then let go of it. I hadn't realized that I was just treading water, staying the same place with that relationship; now I'm swimming again!

  6. Those bumps in the road in a friendship are difficult. You've tried to be supportive. You've reached out. You've made overtures. She has not responded. I think it is healthy for you to move on.

  7. Yes, RET, it is time. Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em. And I'm OK with it.

  8. Not sure I can relate to that. Maybe guys have it different. I have an old high school chum whom I still e-mail regularly. However, I only hear from him when school is in session (he's a college professor) and he's not buried in work. Sometimes I'll e-mail asking how's life and such and no response. Then a couple weeks later I'll hear from him as if he never got my last e-mail. Just goes on with his normal banter about life and such. I let it go, the snubs or whatever. Figure we're friends and I'll be here for him whatever his circumstances.

  9. Dave, there is a definite difference in how men and women relate. Another friend was having trouble putting her comment up, and in a private message she commented about how much easier it is to have a long term relationship with a man-friend. I tend to agree, at least in many cases.

    This particular friend thinks she is not run by her emotions, but as another friend put it, "No, she just stuffs what she doesn't want to deal with."


If you have something to say about it, just stick out your thumb, and I'll slow down so you can hop aboard! But hang on, 'cause I'm movin' on down the road!!! No time to waste!!!