These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Holidays and grief

Getting through the holidays can be difficult when you're missing a loved one who has died. My sister died a little over a year ago, but the holidays this year have been harder for me than they were last year. Why? Well, because the reality of her death had not completely set in last Christmas. Most of us take the hardest hit with grief something like three to six months later. When Mother's Day rolled around, I was very sad. That was six months after she was gone. Her birthday in November was far harder this year than it was last year, just a few short weeks after she left us. When I called my brother, her twin, to say Happy Birthday to him, I was actually relieved when he didn't answer the phone, because I wasn't sure I could talk.

If you know someone who has lost a loved one in the last couple years, give them a call or invite them to join you if possible during the holidays. It can be really hard to get through holidays when everyone is so happy and you can't quite get in step with it. A few words can mean a lot.

By the way .... a reminder to us all. Don't assume someone should "be over it." Unless they aren't able to live a pretty normal life, be kind and supportive, and don't criticize. We grieve forever. It gets easier with time, but the grief is permanent. If a hand is cut off, you learn to get along and to do things differently, but the fingers are gone forever.

Grieving is never easy.
Grieving is never the same for two people.
Grieving is never the same for two deaths.
Grieving is a lot of things, but it is never what
we expect it to be when it happens to us.
Grieving is something no one has to do alone.

One last thing .... remember that people grieve ALL loss, not just a death. In divorce, we grieve the loss of a family; we might be grieving the loss of jobs, homes, financial security, a pet, etc. If someone has lost anything, be kind. Let go of some of the frenetic holiday pace and pay attention to those around you.

Peaceful holidays to everyone! 


  1. Well said, of course. Maybe it's why a few days ago I pulled out a memory book of our one and only pet dog Doogie to read through. We still miss him terribly though he's been gone three years now.

    I guess it helps to go through old pictures and notes to remember their lives and the good times you've shared together.

    Wishing you all the best this holiday season.

  2. Dave, I can relate to how you feel about Doogie. I still miss my Shih Tzu, Mai Lin (5 years), Ali and China (both 3 years). it's still hard at times.

    Hoping your holidays are highly blessed. :)

  3. thanks for that Ll...

    my grief for Jasper is almost unbearable..... and I have to do all this Christmas frivolity.

    I can hardly wait for it to be over!

  4. Very good post and it is much appreciated!

  5. A very good post.

    Hope you have a very Merry Christmas!

  6. Thanks for sharing this. You are so right on. Blessings.

  7. Thanks Lyn..a much appreciated post. I cannot deal with much this year. Hopefully, I will get back to normal in a few months.

  8. Thanks, all. I know many of you (All?) are dealing with grief issues. We all need to remember we are not alone. It's hard to not feel so, but while our own grief is ours alone, there are those around us who love us and who want to support us. Peace.

  9. Thank you for your timely post - peace and blessings to you Lyn.

  10. Grief does have so many stages. It is a good reminder to reach out to those who have experienced loss of any kind during these holidays. Warm words from someone can always make a difference. Blessings :)

  11. NE/ME, you're welcome, and thank you, as well.

    Seamus, you got it. The words need not be about the loss, but just warm. Blessings back. :)


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