These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Monday, February 06, 2012

Rough few hours

My last 48 hours have been really tough.

I felt really tired and low on Saturday evening. I'd had a wonderful day, spent several hours with a group of treasured friends, having a pot luck lunch and several hours of spiritual and philosophical talk. It was really great, and I thought my tiredness and the blah evening was from the let down that sometimes comes after an energetic emotional outpouring.

Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever.

Yesterday was much the same. I was lacking energy and although my house needed serious cleaning, it didn't get it because I was barely moving. I ended up on the couch much of the day, reading, watching TV. I got a phone call from one of the Hospice nurses in the afternoon advising me that one of our patients died. :(  Although those deaths doesn't usually bother me too much, it is something you always hate to hear.

Then I got a phone call in the afternoon from my step-son. The news was not good here, either. On Saturday my 24 year old step-grandson attempted to take his life. He is about to finish his military tour, and it seems he has been worried about getting out, finding a job in this economy, and all the things that fall after that, car payments, being able to afford a place to live, etc. His sergeant feels that those are legitimate concerns, but he also thinks there are deeper issues which our boy may not realize. He feels that he may have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD), following his tour in Afghanistan. Do you know, by the way, that officially 10% to 18% of troops returning from war zones have mental health issues, although I found other figures that were as high as 80%+. Many don't realize they are affected so figures are iffy.

For now, his physical condition is fairly stable. Soon he will have a psychological evaluation to see about PTSD. I hope to know more later this evening about the medical condition.

This morning I got to work for the Monday morning meeting, and I learned that one of my coworkers lost her brother yesterday. He was involved in that huge multiple car pileup in Florida a few days ago. His girlfriend was killed outright; he lived these few days in critical condition. For whatever reason, this seemed to be a fact that pushed me over the edge, and I began fighting back tears about my grandson. It was just one too many things.

Later in the day was the monthly meeting and training for the volunteers. It was sad for me as I was saying goodbye to one of my favorite volunteers. She and her husband are moving to Oklahoma, closer to his daughter. His eyesight is failing and they have decided to go into an independent living apartment so he can adjust before the vision is worse. As the meeting began, one of my other favorites came in. I looked at him and said I believed he is losing weight and looks good. He said he may be losing weight, he wasn't sure, but it's possible because of his health. My heart skipped a beat. I've known for a while that he has a form of leukemia. Then he said he thinks he needs to stop volunteering because he doesn't know how much longer his health will allow him to do so. My heart broke.

One more thing for this $*&%@ day .... my former sister-in-law passed away yesterday, too. Although she and my oldest brother were divorced decades ago, they were also married for many decades, and you don't stop considering someone like that as "family." sighh.

Now, there was one thing today that made me laugh very hard. It's rather dark humor, but it worked to help me through the day. Are you ready?

My youngest brother (not the one above) called me shortly after I left the meeting early this morning. It's very unusual for him to call me during the day, so seeing his name on my cell phone surprised me. I answered and he sorta babbled around a minute, asking if I was doing OK. I thought that was odd, but answered yes. He babbled again a bit, then said he and his wife "had heard that I was very sick or in the hospital or something." I thought for a minute, then I asked if it came from someone who was on facebook, thinking of a request I posted there for prayers for my grandson. He said no, but asked about it, so I filled him in. Then we talked about other family members, particularly my daughter and how she is doing after the divorce. It all seemed strange! Since he didn't seem to want to volunteer who the message came from, I elected to not ask. I thought that he was feeling caught in the middle, and I didn't want to make it worse. Anyway, we chatted a while and I told him I should probably get to work, and we hung up.

Five minutes later my cell rang again, and it was my brother! I answered, saying "What? you can't get enough of me?" He laughed and said he was calling to explain the earlier phone call which "probably seems odd." Well, yes.

My brother and sister-in-law went out to breakfast this morning and when they came back, there was a message on the machine.  It was our older brother and he said "I'm just calling to let you know that Lyn passed away." They were in shock! They tried to call him back but he wasn't home. They weren't sure what to do, so called my house. When I didn't answer there, they tried my cell phone.  I answered, to their relief! And shock! No wonder he was babbling earlier!

In the few minutes between the calls, my bro and SIL went back to the machine and listened to the message. It was not very clear. Our brother either said my name, Lyn, by accident (you know how we say the wrong name at times) or he may have said his ex-wife's name "Gwen" but mumbled!

I'm glad I'm still here to tell you this crazy story!!

And I'm glad the day is over.


  1. Well, that last made me laugh. He could have asked "are you alive?"

    Tomorrow will be a better day.

    P.S. I'm drinking the drink! Evacuation has not yet begun. ()*()

  2. Merikay, I have NO doubt that tomorrow will be better!!

  3. Oh my goodness, you should have stayed in bed, with all the bad news. I'm glad your younger brother lightened up your day. Sending you (((hugs))) with all that is going on with those you love.

  4. MM, I considered it, trust me. But in the long run, it was good that I went to work and occupied my mind. Thanks, much.

  5. Mercy girl, your cup is overflowing. And not with the best of things. I certainly hope that everyone's lives will settle down and allow you peace and calm.

    I agree with you that the number of PTSD affected military members is much higher than what your figures showed. I truly hope the boy is able to get help soon. And that they don't allow him out before it's taken care of! They need to keep tabs on him from now on is my feeling! Many of our Vietnam buddies that come to our reunions, which started 32 years afterwards, didn't claim PTSD until the reunions started and the talking began! I don't think it ever goes away.

  6. Wow what an awful day you had although I did laugh at your brothers phone call :)
    I was feeling sorry for myself yesterday as I had fallen off my pushbike, feeling a bit bruised but in comparison to your day, I dont know what I was worrying about!!
    Hoping your Grandson can get the help he needs, so many of our soldiers are coming back physically and mentally scarred, its so sad.

  7. Your last story had me laughing, even though really on so many levels it is funny, and yet, not funny at all.

    What day you had!

    I am so sorry to hear about your grandson. I was told yesterday that there are 20,000 wounded warriors in the Ft. Carson area who have head injuries and PTSD and only two neurologists to treat them. I am just shattered to think what these young men are going through, and mad also. I hope more than anything else you can get him lots of support, and the right kind of diagnosis and treatment.

    God Bless, Lynilu.

  8. I hope to know more soon. His mother will be with him within a couple hours. I believe it was today that a psychiatrist was to see him.

    I can not tell all of you how much I appreciate the prayers.

  9. You have had a 2-box day, 2 boxes of tissues that is.
    Am saying a prayer for your step grandson and for you and all theose folks who are on your heart right now..

  10. I can't imagine such an awful day Lyn. I feel for you and am glad that your brother gave you some comic relief at the end of your day!
    I have been thinking about PTSD lately. I've seen changes in returning soldiers. My heart goes out to them. I would think there would be more help for them.
    love Di ♥

  11. LC, yes, it was that kind of day! Thanks for the prayers. :)

    Di, in spite of how it all was, I survived, and everything is getting better, all round! Thank you, dear! Love.


If you have something to say about it, just stick out your thumb, and I'll slow down so you can hop aboard! But hang on, 'cause I'm movin' on down the road!!! No time to waste!!!