These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

When dreams die ....

I heard a statement recently that touched me. I can’t quote it exactly, but here is my paraphrase:

When someone you love dies, the dream you had with them dies, too. They are no longer there to help you fulfill the dream. You have to create a new dream, one without them.

I think of couples who have been together for 40, 50, 60 years. How hard that rebuilding of your life’s dream must be. No wonder grief is so tough to get through.

Think of yourself. What is your dream, the dream you have with your partner?

Has someone with whom you had a dream died? How did that change your life? How did your dream change?


  1. Because my father died when I was a child, I have always considered widowhood a possibility. I think I have always nurtured two dreams. One alone, and one with my mate. We have been married 46 years, together for 50.

  2. My Dad died the same year that I retired. He raised my brother and me after Mom deserted us to marry a rich guy. I was looking forward to spending more time with him and getting to know him better. You know us guys have trouble bonding but I was going to make a serious effort. But then he was gone....

  3. In this past year, I have have been confronted with the possibility of John's death two times. The one thing that has been clear in my mind is that I will continue our dream of full time motorhome living and travel. It is something he wants for me and I want.

  4. I am single. I have trouble believing long term couples really do share dreams for their entire lives. I think at some point, someone is compromising his or her dream for the sake of the couple. Not that this is a bad compromise....but sometimes when a partner dies or leaves, it can open a person up to the dream he or she was suppressing for the sake of the couple.

  5. I think this is so true. I thought of this recently when I saw a darling little girl with blonde, blonde, blonde curly hair. She must have been about three years old. I saw the hair first. I then saw her start dancing to some music. My dreams of such a little girl for my Julie were shattered all over again. I so hoped she would have the children she so desperately wanted. I dreamed of the babies she would have. That little girl broke my heart all over again because I knew the dream would never happen.

  6. I think this is something that can't be understood until you live it. Dreams do change, regardless of what you think until it happens to you. After facilitating a bereavement group for these last two years, I can't tell you how many re-directed dreams I've heard about. Each is different. My own is different from theirs. Even the dreams that are continued after the loss of one partner are changed from the original.

    The visions I had of growing old with my husband are completely different because he isn't here. We dreamed of returning to NM. I followed through with that, but the details of that are not what he and I talked about and planned for. He and I had different dreams before his death, too. Of course. But we had that major core dream which I'm now living, but in my own way.

    My sister and I had dreams, too, that we made in the last year of her life. A little traveling together to visit family. When she died unexpectedly, poof! It was a whole new path. I've visited all but one of those we talked about, planned for, but it is different without her. As I said, until you've been there, it may not seem like it, but nothing is the same.


If you have something to say about it, just stick out your thumb, and I'll slow down so you can hop aboard! But hang on, 'cause I'm movin' on down the road!!! No time to waste!!!