Here we go

Well, here we go. Being new at this is intimidating. I write on a regular basis to family and friends about how and what I'm doing, but that is a list of people close to me who I know and trust and who have opted to have me do so. I began that when my husband's health was changing daily and tests or treatments were frequent, with the purpose of keeping everyone up to date on his condition. After he passed away, several said they would miss my messages, so I began writing a travelog, sending it to those who stated a desire to receive them. But this blog throws my thoughts out there to the world, and that is intimidating in many ways.

I guess I shouldn't be threatened. I've had aspirations of writing for a long time, and now that my time is mine (or it will be when I sell the house and relocate), I should work on getting over myself. If I should ever be fortunate enough to publish something, I'd better be ready for it to be read or it is all in vain. Baby steps. Baby steps now, when I'm over 60! Well, I said in the earlier post that the journey never ends, and it is true. With each new experience, I just move along the path into another realm with new sensations and thoughts. This is one of them.

I'm struggling to complete renovations, repairs, cosmetic updates, whatever you want to call it to my house. This has been my home for 29-1/2 years. During the last 15 my husband was unable to keep up with repairs and was loathe to hire the work done, always thinking that he'd get around to it. The house is in poor repair, and it is up to me to do all that stuff. I'm hiring some of it done, but there are some things I want to do and many things that only I can do. It is a challenge, for sure. I am often very tired, but also excited to see what I have done at the same time. I look at this as being practice for an upcoming part of my journey. I will be moving soon to New Mexico where I grew up, and I have no idea what kind of home I'll find there.

The reason I am moving is many faceted, but the biggest reason is that the weather here is murderous for me. In the summer I am miserable with the heat/humidity combination. Over the last few years I have had increasing difficulty. When the temperature is 80 or above, within 15 minutes of going outside I become nauseated, lightheaded, and my energy just evaporates. Remove the high humidity (as in NM) and the heat doesn't bother me as high as 100+. Then in the winter, the long periods of cloudy days with little or no direct sunlight leave me very flat. I've developed SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) over the years, and it is worse each year. Therefore, I feel good only in the spring and fall! That just sucks. In NM the sun shines almost every day, alleviating the problem of SAD altogether.

I'm learning so many things these days. How to live alone. How to lay floor tile. How to negotiate with various people bidding to do repairs. How to change an electrical switch. How to keep myself active and not give in to the trap many do when there are no specific demands on their time. I'm learning to make decisions based on my personal needs and desires rather than someone else's. Some days it is scary. Some times it is awesome. And happily, the awesome ones are coming more often. I think I'm going to like my life once I get some more things sorted out.

I'm counting my blessings and singing praises to the universe for all I am, all I have, and all I love.