These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Making Adjustments

When I began this blog and was thinking about it's title, it really didn't take me very long to come up with Never Ending Journey. At the time, I was just about six months away from my husband's death, had been traveling and visiting with family and friends, back in my home of thirty years with no furniture and a lot of work facing me every day.

Even before his death, my life had been turned upside down as furniture and everything familiar was being put into storage. I had no idea at that time just how long it would be before I'd see it again. I thought, naively, that I would resume a somewhat "normal" life sooner than was realistic.

A person's mind doesn't process things logically under that kind of stress. Entering into final stages of the life of a spouse then the grief stages does not lend to a though process that makes sense. Oh, I think most of us go through it with relatively minor external signs, but inside the head, we are Jell-O.

I commented recently that I'd noticed it seems that I have finally passed through the grief. I still have moments, but they are fleeting and no longer bring me to me knees. I'm really ready for the next stage of my life, whatever that is going to be. And so I am. But getting there is still an interesting journey.

I'm having to relearn things or adjust my life style, my daily routine now. Now, I've been "just me" for some time, and one would think I've learned how to do things or make changes so that my life is ... well, my life. Some of this may sound peculiar, but it is a reflection of the of situations I have been running into.

For almost two years now, I've been living out of suitcase. Or boxes. The greater part of the house was packed and stored between June, 2005 and September, 2005. I packed what I thought I would need for a few weeks/months into suitcases and some totes or boxes, and moved that to Washington State for about two months. Then I traveled for three weeks to Florida where I lived with my daughter for another two months. Heading back to KC, I took another ten days on the road, followed by seven months in the essentially empty house. During this time, I used metal racks and canvas cubes as a dresser. When I came to New Mexico I finally had a dresser, but it was a temporary place, and I didn't feel "settled."

Well, In the last few days I've realized that I'm having to learn to live without the suitcases and totes. When I empty a box or a tote, I have a tendency to put in it the corner of the room, as if to be handy for repacking. In the last week, I've carried out several that were lurking in those corners and leering at me! And the suitcases ... I finally caught on that it is OK to put them away in the storage area under the house. I won't need them for a while now. And if I do, I can get them. They won't be in a storage unit in KC or Albuquerque! The whole concept of not needing to have them at my fingertips is a new one for me.

Honestly, sometimes I start to get ready for something, and I find myself wondering where a certain sweater is. And it is right there in that drawer! My make up is no longer in a bag; it is actually on the vanity! When I shower, I don't have to grab the little mesh shower bag and carry it with me; everything is already in the shower now.

Yesterday it finally dawned on me that I don't have to keep my medications and vitamins in that little tote box that has been their "home on wheels" for two years! Eureka! I found a corner of a cabinet and put them away for the first time in longer than I can remember. Then this morning, I forgot where they were! I found myself looking for the little tote which was now out on the deck with all the other empty totes.

If you're thinking about how chaotic your life is, yes, I'm sure you're right. But you can't imagine what it is like to live without roots for two years until you actually do it. When there is a personal tragedy or a situation which causes extreme stress for a period of time, a serious financial crunch, or some other significant difficulty, you will notice the change when your life returns to something with some normalcy and predictability. Next time you cross such a crossroads and find your way back to the path with level paving, take time to notice how good life is. Don't just rush past, but savor the blessings.

Life is beautiful. I know, I speak from experience. Life is really beautiful.


  1. Though it's late,I want to say happy birthday to you.
    It's a long time blog of findpen does not write poem,I think,for me,I'm just waiting your sincere words.

  2. wow, sounds awesome. Time to find the best spot to put your feet up and the best position for your cup of tea to read at the best time of the day.

  3. Welcome home fellow traveler. I have not begun to be settled yet but oh I am looking forward to having a place I can call a permanent and full-time home - and yes, I am very happy for you.


  4. Happy Belated Birthday to you also!

    Life really is beautiful and thanks for the reminder. I am still going through the "where is so-and-so" process. It's maddening!

  5. My - Thank you for the birthday wishes. I promise to get back to posting poetry soon. Thank you for caring.

    Fatty - That sounds best to me!! And Soon I will be able to do that. It seems odd to me that I'm having to relearn how to live like most people do. Stay tuned!

    Robert - I reflect on what I've learned in myPatti - wanderer state, and I'm both amazed at myself and happy that I had that experience. And now I'm ready to have roots again ... long ones so I can still travel, but never for this long at one time! I hope you find your place and that it fits you as well as I feel mine does me.

    Goodlife, my friend.

    Patti - I'm sure you and I will both be looking for so-and-so for some time yet. I'm waiting for that day when I look for something, realize I got rid of it, and groan! I know it will happen, but downsizing is essential for my space. Bottom line ... I wouldn't change anything. Well, wait, yes, I want the unpacking to be done, but then I'd not change anything!!

  6. So glad you are settling in nicely. Life is good!!!

  7. I cannot tell you how happy I am for you to finally feel and have that sense of rootedness in your life. You are not alone in the gypsy club! I too have been unrooted and living in temporary places for a few years now. Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your post gives me hope that I will one day have that "home" feeling again.

  8. Daisy - Thank you, and yes, it is!

    Eileen - Interestingly, I have several friends in the gypsy club. Living the gypsy life isn't bad, but most of us have that element of needing to feel the rootedness to some degree. And I can attest that it does feel "right" for me to be here, now. I'm so glad to hear from you, and I hopw all is going well in your endeavors.

  9. See there...there you go again, being an inspiration :-).

    I'm glad you're finally finding YOU and getting settled into your new, beautiful life.

    And you're be glad to know, that as I was reading your post today, I never "desired" to see pictures...hee hee. See, I'm getting settled to LOL.

    Enjoy your week, my friend.

  10. I left a comment today on your Birthday post, but in case you don't see it, I hope you had a happy birthday! (Sorry this is late!)

  11. This is the most beautiful post. I love how aware you are of the emerging you, in this new phase of your life.

    Happy Belated Birthday!

  12. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  13. What a beautiful post and so well written. I am happy that you have found your dream home and you are settling in just fine.

    Even though I have been "out of it" for almost two months, I am slowly seeing again that Life is indeed beautiful.

  14. Good work honey! This post got me thinking about the time my husband and daughters and I were 'homeless' for almost 6 months. When we got our house and arrived on move in day, my second child stood on the thresh hold, grasping the door frame, sighed and said "We're home!" It was an adjustment but we were all so grateful.

  15. I guess your theme song will no longer be "Gypsy Woman."

  16. Dawn - Sometimes words work to make the pictures! You have a good week, too.

    Jen - It did show up at the other post, but heck, it is cool to hear is again!

    Sassy - Thank you. What makes it strange is realizing how often I am unaware, and then it sorta jumps out at me. I love "aha moments."

    Caroline - Thank you. Don't forget that the process isn't quick, it's a growth event, and it does take time. You'll certainly get where you need to be when you're due to be there. :)

    Traci - It is amazing, isn't it, how your children and my animals "knew" it was home. Oh, that we could have their sensitivities and basic wisdom!

    S3 - Dang! I guess I gotta quit singing it!! :)

  17. Hi Lynilu!
    I came here from Steve's blog and suddenly I heard the bird's wondeful singing. Beautiful song "Come Fly With Me". Sometimes I fly. From Poland to Ameryka, Canada.
    I'll be back to read your great writings.
    Peace to you!

  18. Krystyna - Hello! Thank you for stopping by. I'll look forward to hearing from you again.

  19. As you know, I've lived out of a suitcase and boxes for a year and half. I'm glad to hear that you are adjusting and I look forward to the day that I can be "normal" again :-) Gypsy Moth

  20. Gypsy - Remember when you get there ... it takes a while to adjust. One would think it would "just happen," but it is a BIG change.


If you have something to say about it, just stick out your thumb, and I'll slow down so you can hop aboard! But hang on, 'cause I'm movin' on down the road!!! No time to waste!!!