These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Tuesday, August 07, 2007


We don't have to forgive people if we don't judge them in the first place. Instant Karma

Anger makes you grow smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were. Chérie Carter-Scott

When we forgive, we free ourselves from the bitter ties that bind us to the one who hurt us. Claire Frazier-Yzaguirre

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Mahatma Gandhi

He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he must pass himself; for every man has need to be forgiven. Lord George Herbert

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. Mother Teresa

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I don't usually carry grudges. A few people in my life have done things to warrant my seething wrath, and when this happens, I may carry that for a very long time. (One lasted about 30 years, but that's another story.) These situations are truly few. I believe what all those quotes say, and I honestly carry forgiveness in my heart most of the time. To be honest, I find that when I don't remain aware of lightening my emotional burden, I fall prey to my own thoughtlessness. I don't want extra baggage; my own is enough, but I can deal with it.

I picked up that little book of Instant Karma earlier today, and my eyes went immediately to that line. It was then that I realized that I was allowing myself to fall into that bad pattern, the self-loaded trap that my own foot was poised over. So I've been thinking.........

The situation I'm referring to is a small thing. Really. It is the kind of thing that I would normally shrug off, but I've let this one begin to burrow under my skin. And it is just beginning to fester. I'm glad I noticed it now so I can avert any further infection in my life.

Let me set the stage a bit. I will be very careful because I live in a small town, and while I don't think anyone even knows about my blog, I don't want to shove my own foot into that ready-to-spring trap. I do have to continue living here. Well, that or lose my investment in this home and an otherwise happy life I have in this gorgeous place.

My toes have been stepped on by a woman. (What is with my "foot" references today??) I don't know why. To my knowledge I've not offended her. I once introduced her by the wrong last name, but apologized quickly and profusely. She stated that she understood (it was an honest mistake, two women I'd just met with same first name, different last names). She even asked me to lunch after that and has made a few other extensions of "friendship," although she doesn't follow up and has always been "too busy" when I've reciprocated.

I don't know, and I haven't from the start, whether I even like this woman. Honestly, I probably don't because I usually like people from the very beginning or I don't. Occasionally my first impression isn't what I learn is the real person, but I'm normally pretty "on." I suppose this should tell me that I don't have enough sense of value in the woman to cultivate a friendship. but I didn't listen to my gut. Partially, I tried to overcome that uneasy feeling because she and I have third person in common for whom I have great regard and wish to establish a deeper relationship. yes, it is a man, but one wit whom I want a friendship, period. And perhaps her goal with him is different, so I am the enemy. I don't know. I suspect it is true.

I know that she has done similar things to other people, usually women, being rude, flippant, disregarding of others, etc. A couple people see her as witty and funny. However, when "wit" and "humor" are at the expense of making others feel embarrassed, stupid, or less valued, I have issues with it. And not just when it is myself. Another woman witnessed some of this and commented to me that the woman has been like this for years, targeting others, especially other women, and while she appears sweet on the surface, there is apparently something bubbling underneath. I agree.

Several times, she had made strange remarks to myself or to others that I don't know how to interpret. My daughter has a friend who had brain damage in a terrible auto accident, and she sometimes says things that sound cold. That I understand because her brain was damaged and she has difficulty with some boundaries. The local woman says similar things, but as far as I know, she has not history of trauma, so I'm usually left blinking and puzzled after such remarks.

To help explain this, I'm going to tell you something that I was planning to say at the end of this month. No big deal when it is revealed. I'm legally changing my name, resuming my maiden name, or as I like to say, my family of origin name. I'm doing it because (1) I'm back where friends still think of me by that name, (2) my current name is very long, doesn't fit well on checks or when signing those electronic readers in stores, (3) my original name is unusual (but not difficult or way out there), of German and Dutch roots; there are many in this area by my current last name but not one by my original name, and since I plan to expand my world of photographic art, the unusual name will be more remarkable and thus remembered. At least I hope. I've begun using the name in non-legal situations to get used to it, and to allow others to do so, pending the legal change on 8/29. I introduce myself by that name to new acquaintances, and I'm slowly advising others as I go along.

At a recent gathering of friends, the woman introduced me to her husband as "Lyn Fliberdygiberdydoo." I shook his hand and said, "Glad to meet you. I'm in the process of legally resuming my family name of 'Wiget,' and while it isn't official yet, it might help if you get to know me by that name." To which she replied, loudly, "Oh, my gawd! I'll never remember that! I'll just have to call you 'Fliberdygiberdydoo,' anyway."

OK, I know it is not an easy thing to change how you think of someone. But when a friend marries and takes another name, don't you adjust? I certainly do. Resuming my family name is an important thing to me, and I felt as if she discounted it in an off-handed manner. I was offended, but thought, OK, it is no big deal, let it go. She had made odd remarks previously, but I didn't dwell on that, either.

Then a couple times since then, she has discounted my opinion/action as unimportant or acted as if I have conducted business without utmost honesty. If you know me, you know that I make effort to be honest and ethical in all I do. To be treated as if I am otherwise has begun to rub. I make mistakes, but I own them when I do. It is especially irritating because she doesn't exactly say anything specific that I could take to task. Rather she implies or somehow skirts the issue, leaving me feeling as if I just stepped into the path of an oncoming train. I tend to stand, mouth agape (really or not, I don't know), without saying anything because my mind is spinning and trying to process what just happened. What she does is a form of social sniping.

And a few days ago, she dropped another of these tidbits, and it shot through to the core. I've been operating with anger and mistrust toward her. Fortunately I don't see her often, but I've actually been plotting how to get even!! Well, now! That's gonna help, isn't it!?!? I've made it my problem, and I need to let it stay in her karma, not mine.

This morning I've decided to handle it by saying to her the next time (and yeah, there will be a next time), "Hmmm. And what makes you say that?" Not that I care a whit, but it will put her words back into her lap and leave me without the anger that ties me to her. I'm practicing it in my head over and over so that when I am caught off guard again (and I will be, because I'm a basically trusting person who thinks it will all be just fine) I can have the words there even if the brain is still whirling in disbelief.

Remembering about karma is a good thing. I'm all about karma. As you know, I believe that what I put out is what I will get back. I'll own my gaffs, but I need to reject the crap floating around, from her or anyone. And when I an slapped in the face with someone else's bad karma, I need to peel it off my face and hand it back, not throw it along with more of my own ugliness. DO NOT PERPETUATE THE NASTINESS!!

I'll chose my friendships. I'll not let them be foisted upon me, especially in a negative atmosphere. I'm keeping my good karma for myself and everyone I meet, regardless of what they are handing out. Maybe someday I'll leave enough there for someone to suck it up and start over with a new attitude, too. Who knows? But I won't allow her insidious nature stop my own happiness. And I won't get pulled into the nasty mode myself. Nope!

Isn't it interesting that Instant Karma is what gave me the heads up?

~ ~ ~ ~

Friendships, like marriages, are dependent on avoiding the unforgivable. John D. MacDonald

~ ~ ~ ~

... and .............

Life is beautiful!!!


  1. Hmm, I kind of needed these quotes today, thanks!! I was sitting here fuming that someone owed me some flowers today - for doing something they did (or didn't do) this weekend, and was getting more and more annoyed. Then I realized that if a few flowers would sort it out, how angry was I, really?? Geez, we're so petty sometimes. These quotes were great.

  2. Good for you!! I'm guessing most all of us can take a lesson from you. I like to think of myself who doesn't hold a grudge and forgives easily - and for the most part that's true. But sometimes - usually when I'm not in the spiritual place I need to be - I'm don't practice what I preach.

    So thank you very much for the reminder and I look forward to hearing about her response to you!

  3. And sometimes my grammar and writing skills are awful! LOL

  4. As always, thank you for the thought-provoking post..And for continuing to be someone that I can learn from and truly look up to! :)

  5. A good reminder about karma, which I definitely believe in. Thanks.

  6. Sandra - I understand that. Sometimes we just get caught up in something without even realizing the dynamics. I try to avid that and do the positive actions, but it just gets hidden and I don't even know it! Glad you benefited from ths post.

    Jenster - First ... LOL about the grammar comment! I always hate it when I do something similar and realize it after I've already posted the comment!

    It is easy to get into negative actions or thoughts without even realizing it, and wow! how destructive it is! I'd been plotting my revenge for over a week, and I didn't really realize it! And, geez, it feels good to let it go!!

    Hey, Jen! Thanks for the kind words. I'm just me, no one special. but I try to be the best me I can.

    Sassy - Karma is a powerful concept, isn't it? And it leaves us with the power, rather than subject to someone else's power. How great is that?! (Can I say "power" a few more times???)

  7. I liked the quotes. I believe in Karma too. You definitely get back what you give.

    I like how you are going to handle this situation next time it happens. Yeah! Put it back in her court, baby!!!

  8. You rock! So do the quotes sweets!

  9. Lyn I hate people like that and have known a few in my time. I"m glad you are aware of the situation and have a battle plan so it does not slowly poison your life. Yep i'm a BIG believer in karma, and... I watch "My Name Is Earl" too!

  10. FIRST of all...those quotes are wonderful. I love quotes and "sayings".

    SECOND of appears that you've got this handled. I think your "game plan" for the next meeting that WILL take place, is PERFECT. You know, I've had to deal with a situation like this before myself. This lady is one that I see almost once a week...we scrapbook together with several other wonderful ladies. Long story short...She made one too many snide comments either to or about me (and I'm right there everytime). I won't go into detail, but I wound up having to call her on the carpet, so to speak. Come to find out, she was totally oblivious as to how she came across to people. When I brough this to her attention as well as to the fact that she's PISSIN me off (sorry bout that), she was almost in shock that she behaved that way. She said that no one had ever talked to her like that or told her that she'd offended them. I was very nice when I spoke with her. But at the same time, I was very direct and didn't sugar coat anything.

    I said all this to say, that the lady that you're dealing with MAY not even know she's that way. And may, in fact, need someone like you to bring it to her attention. Just a thought.

    I'd love to hear how your meeting goes with her.

  11. I just don't understand some people!!! The reason why people say the things they say or act the way they do. But it sounds like you are handling this woman in just the right way!
    I love the forgivness quotes!! I am BIG on forgiveness and try my best not to hold grudges. All it does is bring you down and make you negative.
    And I think it's cool that you're going back to your maiden name. Makes ense to me!

  12. Your planned response is so much better than my actual one of "sorry, I don't have time for passive agressives". Your situation sure hit a hot button for many of us. -ST

  13. Daisy - Yep! It is so easy to hang onto other people's garbage. (shapping self awake)

    Traci - Thanks!

    Patti - LOL! I'm so glad my name ISN'T Earl!!!

    Dawn - From what I hear and see, this one is aware of what what she does. She seems to plot and enjoy the shock/surprise on faces. Perhaps she isn't as insidious as I percieve, so I'll keep an eye on it. Thanks!

    ST - Yeah, I can totally see you doing that!! You, of little patience!! Now "we" gotta work on that one!! hee hee :-0


If you have something to say about it, just stick out your thumb, and I'll slow down so you can hop aboard! But hang on, 'cause I'm movin' on down the road!!! No time to waste!!!