Last night China began to weep mucus from her eyes, and she has coughed or sneezed it from her nose several times. I know from this that her lungs are definitely not clearing as they should. She has sniffed at food, but not taken any. She is drinking a little water. In spite of this, she still trots to the door to go outside. That is her indomitable spirit. And it is leading to conflict for me, as I see her trot along with her little tail high over her back, and she looks so .... normal and healthy. But I know she will become uncomfortable before long. I don't want her to struggle for breath. The vet thinks it is probable that cancer has infiltrated her lungs.
Today we will go for a nice long walk. When she tires, I will carry her back home. Or maybe I'll pull the garden wagon and let her ride when she can't walk farther. But we will enjoy the sunshine together one last time.
Then tomorrow I will hold her in my arms while she steps onto the Rainbow Bridge. I can't bear the thought of life without her, but I would hate more for her to be in pain or to fight for breath. I need to let her go where she can rest easily and run freely.
I won't be back here today. I need to be with her.