These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Update on......

The Guy.

Well. I listened to his message on my answering machine again, and after saying how much he had enjoyed our lunch and our conversation, would like to do it again, etc., he ended with saying he would call me. So I decided to follow the plan he put out there, and I waited.

When I didn't hear in 10 days I decided to put an end to it, but I really didn't want to call him. For one thing he said he would call me. For another, I wanted to be sure that I said what I meant, and on the phone .... sometimes things come out differently than it is intended. A written message is better so the words are correct. So I called his friend, and she gave me his email address.

I recapped what had happened and tried to explain why I was confused and frustrated. I also said the following bits from the message:
  • "When someone says 'I’ll call you later,' it is vague, so I’m just at a loss, not understanding."
  • "I understand family comes first. It does for me, too. However, a couple minutes to call me would have been appreciated, and in my book, the only thing to do. I think I deserve that much."
  • "When I invite a man (or any friend, male or female) to an event, I expect the courtesy of a call to say whether or not that person is going to attend."
  • "Neither of us knows yet what to expect from the other, and without communication, we never will. I’m happy to listen to what you need and expect, too."
  • "I’m a new entity in your life, not even a friend at this point. I understand that. But the bottom line of any relationship, even someone you’ve just met, is common courtesy. That, to me, is the essence of any interaction."

Then I said that I thought we should just let things ride. He could concentrate on the family issues, and when he figures out that he has time to devote to developing a friendship, he is welcome to call me.

~ ~ ~ ~

Will I go out if he ever calls? I really don't know, but probably not. I doubt he will call, regardless of how interested he seemed to be. I think he is not ready to date. He told his friend that he enjoyed meeting me, etc. In fact, he apparently went on and on about it and was seemingly enthusiastic about seeing me again, yet he also told her that he felt funny about it, as if her were cheating on his deceased wife.


I'm not ready to (1) compete with the dead wife, (2) be his therapist, (3) always be sorting out WTF is going on! I don't think he has let his wife go, and that is too complicated. I just want a simple relationship, friend or whatever. This one ain't simple!

It has been 10 days since I sent the email. I'm guessing he realizes he isn't ready.

Should he ever call and it seems that he has himself together and is ready to spent time making friendships with living people, maybe, maybe not, who knows. I won't hold my breath. I am not upset about this, not angry, not hurt. I've just let it go. I had no investment and it was a learning experience! LOL! I say never pass up a learning experience!


  1. I imagine that is a hard situation from his end AND yours! You handled it (are handling it) well!

  2. First off, his freakin' loss.
    I HATE this dating stuff. Every single time I've gone out, I can't wait to go home! I dunno, this is hard stuff.

  3. It doesn't sound to me as if he's on your level. Maybe your straight talk will bring him closer to your level- we'll see.

    The other part of me says WHAT?! Don't let a potential relationship go! You may never find another man! Just sell out, Lynilu, sell out! Tell him you'll drive out to where he lives- he doesn't have to do anything- and you totally undwerstand that he'll never get over his late wife! Come on, Lynilu, get desperate! Tell him to call you! In fact, you call him!

    (Now you know why I've never had a successful romantic relationship.)


  4. "I'm not ready to (1) compete with the dead wife, (2) be his therapist, (3) always be sorting out WTF is going on! I don't think he has let his wife go, and that is too complicated. I just want a simple relationship, friend or whatever. This one ain't simple!

    It has been 10 days since I sent the email. I'm guessing he realizes he isn't ready."

    He doesn't deserve you, Lynilu.

    Being friends and making plans is easy.
    Communicating is easy.
    Keeping your word is easy.

    I'm glad you didn't invest more in him, seeing as he can't do any of those 3 things.


  5. MQ, thanks. I just figure I don't need more headaches, and it was beginning to feel that way.... before a relationship was begun!

    Kathi, it has been so long since I've dated that I've forgotten how many problems come with it. sheesh! Why didn't you warn me??? LOL!

    Betty, one definite difference is that at my age I feel that if I never date again, so be it. At your age, I would be waffling, probably. I would love to date, to have a special someone, etc., but I won't lose sleep!

    Annie, the final analysis was that if he couldn't find the impetus to build the relationship, he wasn't going to find enough to maintain it. I would have probably been frustrated at some point, so just put the brakes on now. Thanks.

  6. I am glad you saw it for what it is and didn't invest any more time in it.

  7. Daisy, so am I. It helps that he wasn't the kind of guy that I just immediately was ga-ga over. Few of those anyway!

  8. Some learning lessons suck!!!!! Glad this one was a minimal one. I say he missed out on knowing a great person.

  9. The whole dating thing is such a weird thing to begin with. It's much easier when you are younger and there is not so much baggage involved.

  10. I know that all of this has been very frustrating, but you should be proud of your attitude.

    I agree with what MJ is so much easier when there is not as much baggage.

    Hang in there.

  11. Red, his friend (one of the "go-betweens") already knows that. Yeah, he missed out on a good thing.

    MJ, .... or it can be easier if everyone recognizes the baggage and chooses to put it behind. I think I have, he hasn't. I'll find someone someday who gets it!

  12. ah. too bad it didn't work out. but on the bright side, you stood by your convictions, you communicated well, you remained as open as possible. sounds like YOU are ready for someone to come into your life. too bad he is not ready.

  13. (M)ary, it's OK. It obviously wasn't meant to be. I feel fine about it.

    I understand that people deal with their grief in different ways, but moving on is healthy, and probably what the late spouse would want (that's assuming the relationship was a healthy one). Somehow, passing up a chance to have a new friend in your life doesn't seem healthy. Oh, well, not my problem!

  14. I read Betty's advice and if someone really wants to be in a relationship, I totally agree with her advice! I have been a long term single woman and I have had similarly single friends.Over the years, I have seen irrantional courting win the day more often than rational behavior.

    I think a sense of outright over the top need to be in a relationship is what motivates people to find a mate. So, yeah, I think not hesitating, not worrying and barrelling full steam ahead can lead to romance.

    But I am not sure this guy is worth the effort, at least not for you, Lynilu. He sounds like a "project"...

  15. (M)ary,I'm going to make another post about this rather than answer you here. Okee-dokee?


If you have something to say about it, just stick out your thumb, and I'll slow down so you can hop aboard! But hang on, 'cause I'm movin' on down the road!!! No time to waste!!!