Well. I listened to his message on my answering machine again, and after saying how much he had enjoyed our lunch and our conversation, would like to do it again, etc., he ended with saying he would call me. So I decided to follow the plan he put out there, and I waited.
When I didn't hear in 10 days I decided to put an end to it, but I really didn't want to call him. For one thing he said he would call me. For another, I wanted to be sure that I said what I meant, and on the phone .... sometimes things come out differently than it is intended. A written message is better so the words are correct. So I called his friend, and she gave me his email address.
I recapped what had happened and tried to explain why I was confused and frustrated. I also said the following bits from the message:
- "When someone says 'I’ll call you later,' it is vague, so I’m just at a loss, not understanding."
- "I understand family comes first. It does for me, too. However, a couple minutes to call me would have been appreciated, and in my book, the only thing to do. I think I deserve that much."
- "When I invite a man (or any friend, male or female) to an event, I expect the courtesy of a call to say whether or not that person is going to attend."
- "Neither of us knows yet what to expect from the other, and without communication, we never will. I’m happy to listen to what you need and expect, too."
- "I’m a new entity in your life, not even a friend at this point. I understand that. But the bottom line of any relationship, even someone you’ve just met, is common courtesy. That, to me, is the essence of any interaction."
Then I said that I thought we should just let things ride. He could concentrate on the family issues, and when he figures out that he has time to devote to developing a friendship, he is welcome to call me.
~ ~ ~ ~
Will I go out if he ever calls? I really don't know, but probably not. I doubt he will call, regardless of how interested he seemed to be. I think he is not ready to date. He told his friend that he enjoyed meeting me, etc. In fact, he apparently went on and on about it and was seemingly enthusiastic about seeing me again, yet he also told her that he felt funny about it, as if her were cheating on his deceased wife.
I'm not ready to (1) compete with the dead wife, (2) be his therapist, (3) always be sorting out WTF is going on! I don't think he has let his wife go, and that is too complicated. I just want a simple relationship, friend or whatever. This one ain't simple!
It has been 10 days since I sent the email. I'm guessing he realizes he isn't ready.
Should he ever call and it seems that he has himself together and is ready to spent time making friendships with living people, maybe, maybe not, who knows. I won't hold my breath. I am not upset about this, not angry, not hurt. I've just let it go. I had no investment and it was a learning experience! LOL! I say never pass up a learning experience!