These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Well, Well, Well.

Well, well, well. My last couple days have been .... interesting!

My friend called again late yesterday and said that things at home were not improving, and asked if she could stay at my house again. Of course, I said yes. And honestly? We've had a couple great days and fun evenings, girl times, sleepovers!!

Without going into detail, the stepdaughter was continuing to cause conflict and escalating it with any opportunity. She has mental health issues which seemed to be escalating since her arrival here, now seeming to be focused on destroying her father's relationship with my friend through lies about her and all her friends, saying (among many even worse things) that we all talk about him behind his back and think he is bad. When my friend attempted to talk with him, the SD would start on another topic and as she explained that, yet another topic would arise, until there was simply mass confusion and ever increasing tension. Rather than continuing to let the situation continue to spiral, she decided to just come here for another day.

The SD was leaving today, after several delays with car problems, and problems at her new home at the other end of her journey. BTW, this SD is not a child. She is 29 years old, but has a maturity level, at my assessment, of about 13. She came here for a visit with her dad after a problem with her last roommate led to her being kicked out. The last in a long series of similar situations.

When we woke this morning, we decided to go into Ruidoso and just do some window shopping and have a girls day, then she would go home mid afternoon after SD should have left. But before going into town, we decided to drive by the house and just be sure that her house pets and livestock were taken care of. They had been and we were about to leave. Her hub came out and hugged her, then they talked privately for a while. They seemed fine, and I later learned that he apologized for everything and assured her that the SD was leaving and after she left, he would make sure the animals were secure before he left for his job. He works out of town, usually 10 days to two weeks and then is home for 4 to 6 days at a time. He told her to go on and have a good day, and he would talk with her this evening.

The SD came out, got into a vehicle and tore off down the driveway about this time. She was obviously upset, flipping her head, yanking on the car door and slamming it shut, etc. Her dad walked over to my car and apologized to me, too. The three of us talked a while, and it was a good talk, but you could tell he was pretty embarrassed. I could tell that they have some things to work out, but they seem to be OK with each other and on the same page, for the most part.

I backed out and as we drove down the road, the SD was returning. I'm guessing she made a cigarette run. As we met I raised my hand and waved at her, mostly just to let her know "it's OK." Guess what? She flipped the bird.

Well, well, well.

I slammed on the brakes, threw the truck into reverse and went back to the house! I told my friend to wait in the car, because I didn't want her in the middle and started up the stairs. SD was a few steps ahead of me, and I said that she is not to treat me that way because I had no beef with her .... till now. She shouted that she wasn't flipping at me, opened the door, and before she slammed it in my face, my friend's little dog came running out to me. She is not an "off the leash" dog yet, so I scooped her up and walked into the house. I heard her shouting something to her dad who was upstairs, about "Lyn just walking in without permission"!!

I again said that I had no problem with her till she flipped me off but now it was personal and I was not going to be disrespected. She said that she did not flip me, but my friend. By now her startled father was standing at my elbow. I asked her who waved at her, and she said with a twisted face, "You did." I asked if my friend did, and she said, "Of course not, she's a f**king b*tch!" So I asked how that makes sense: I wave and her response is a one-finger salute, but it wasn't at me. She had some choice remarks, and her father was astounded. I turned to him and said, "I will not be disrespected like this. I understand that she says I've been talking negatively about you, and I want you to know that I have not. She has taken this whole situation to a ridiculous level and is including people like myself with manipulation. I said I won't let her do this in my presence, because I respect him and his wife and to pretend that she is not being despicable is a disservice to them both. He agreed, with a beet red face, and once again apologized for her. I told him I wanted no apology from him, but I did want him to know that others are seeing how she is behaving.

I asked if he needed anything more from me to understand what SD is doing. He said no. I turned to go and she said in a low voice, "Get out," to which I replied "Eat sh*t." As I closed the door behind me I heard her say something that I didn't understand, and her father in a raised voice say, "Yes, eat sh*t and put it in a sandwich to take with you, because I'm done with you until you can show respect to all of us."

I'm sorry, but I managed to get in the truck and was headed away from the house before I broke into laughter! We went in to town, did some antiquing and window shopping, then had a Mexican food lunch and it was just as relaxed as it could be. We returned to my house for her to get her truck, and just to be sure all was OK, I followed her home. Everything was just fine. I stayed and played with her two dogs for a few mintues and helped her with the livestock for the evening before heading home.

As I said yesterday .... adrenaline junkies, PLUS drama, snotty immature homebreakers, and parents caught in the middle of oversized brats that care only about their own happiness. I just don't get it! Her father said that some of the people he works with are self-centered and rude, much like her, and it drives him crazy. I believe it, but ..... I'm glad my kids and steps are past giving me that kind of grief! And you know what? Car running or not, place to stay elsewhere or not, broke or not, no one will stay in my house with behaviors like that. Keep that in mind when you come to visit, OK?

Well, well, well.

~ ~ ~ ~


  1. Wow! I was cheering you on, right here from my bed! I loved how you handled her disrespect and called her on her behavior. She needed it. How awful for her father and step-mother (and the dogs).

    I also think it is WONDERFUL of you to be such an amazing friend. It must be so comforting to your friend to know that you are there. Plus, as a bonus, you get to do all the fun girl stuff together.

    Overall, you rock!

  2. Cheryl, thanks for getting it. After years of dealing with disrespectful kids in families, it just came without a second thought! And my friend was so thankful that it happened as it did, so she didn't feel like it was just her trying to be the rational voice in a crazy-making situation. You know how a person can begin to feel surreal-ly out-of-focus and self-doubting in those situations.

    I told her as I left her house that I actually enjoyed having company and cooking for two for a change. Yes, it was good for us both, and we've planned some more girl stuff WITHOUT DRAMA!!!

    Thanks, again! :D

  3. That is SO cool that you said something to her. I often think that we let the crazies get away with so much crap because we don't want to add to the drama or stoop to their level. Sometimes a spade just has to be called a spade out loud, ya know!

  4. Julie, you said it all. I don't suggest that people put themselves in dangerous situations, but in this case, I knew that her father wasn't going to let anything happen. She made me part of it, so I had the right to speak up on my own behalf, while calling that spade out of the tool shed on her behaviors! The craziness just had to stop.

  5. Awesome story Lynn and didn't SD just tangle with the wrong person. Bet she wont forget that for a while....then maybe it all went right over her head. I feel sorry for your friend who is caught in the middle. Hope her hubby never allows that girl in their home again. An she is lucky to have you for a friend.

  6. Ruth, SD has had so many of these conflicted situations that I doubt it will make an impact. Maybe because she was "outed" in front of her dad by someone other than her stepmom? I donno. I hope so, for everyone's sake. You know, Ruth, I'm lucky, too. She has been there for me in a couple situations that I've needed support, also, so our scales of friendship are pretty well in balance. It is good!

  7. Good for you for speaking up. I had a smiliar situation with Youngest Daughter a few years ago. We didn't even speak for awhile.

    I don't care if she didn't like my living arrangements or Man. I felt/feel that she should show Man the same respect that she would show any of my friends. I will be damned if I was going to have a 20 year old tell me how to run my life!

    She's 100% better now but the level of trust (from me) is not. I never know if she will flip out again.

  8. Oh my. You give it to her Lyn. I just don't know how folks end up being able to be that disrespectful.

    I am glad your friend has you. AND sleepovers to boot!

  9. I think I would have smacked her silly. She needs an attitude adjustment. One thing my kids are going to learn is respect for other people. Even if you disagree with someone you can do it respectfully good going Lyn for standing up for yourself.

  10. ballsy, just plain ballsy. Good for you. I'm glad you stood up to her especially in front of her dad. I'm sure she won't forget that interaction for some time.

    What a good friend you are! If I'm ever out your way, trust me I would be the perfect house guest, wouldn't want a piece of your action, haha.

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  12. Daisy, it is more common that most of us think, because it isn't something to be discussed publicly. But working with families for all those years, I learned that it happens a lot.

    Unfortunately, kids don't understand that their behaviors and words leave lasting impressions .... and scars.

    Beans, I don't get it either, but it certainly happens. and YAY friends!!

    Red, in this particular case, a smacking might have lead to something more serious, but a verbal slap was quite effective, I think. Yes, disagreeing is OK, but disrespect just chills my bones.

  13. Well, well, well is RIGHT!!! You handled that very well. And I love that you got a laugh out of it :-).

    And for the record, you have nothing to worry about. When I come to your house to visit, I'll be on my best behavior...ok, I'll try! lol

  14. Dawn, in spite of how that all seems, I don't recommend "in your face" tactics as a rule, but when people are running rampant over others, yes. And I DID feel it deserved a good laugh afterward!

    YOU?? You be on good behavior? Can't be done!! LOL!

  15. How good that you were able to laugh in the end. You handled that remarkable well because "I" would have probably yanked that little beyotch by her hair and pounded her into mincemeat. Arrgghhh my blood boils at people like that causing troube, wreaking havoc in a good relationship...then I laugh too. It's good to laugh!

  16. Patti, honestly? She really wasn't worth that much effort! Just a little irritating gnat!


If you have something to say about it, just stick out your thumb, and I'll slow down so you can hop aboard! But hang on, 'cause I'm movin' on down the road!!! No time to waste!!!