It hurts to watch my brother struggle with the effects of Parkinson's. He is so intelligent, so kind, has always had such a bright wit. That is all still there, but his body is making it difficult for him to fully use any of those attributes. He still has a lovely sense of humor and jokes with us a lot, but much of the facial expressions are now muted. I miss his smile so much.
And I hate that he has trouble communicating his thoughts. His mind is so sharp and he has so much to say, but he has difficulty getting the words out much of the time. His voice is very soft, the words form only with difficulty, and I wish so much that he could still get those ideas to us without an exasperating effort.
He is occasionally mobile, occasionally wheelchair bound. He wants to remain independent as long as possible, but his agility is so limited. When he moves, it is with jerkiness and motions that are concerning to everyone, but we let him do what he can out of respect for his pride and sense of self-motivation. And then one foot doesn't work quite as it should. He falls. And all our hearts fall with him. We pray that he is not seriously hurt, other than his pride, and then he is in the wheelchair for a time. Then it starts over.
This disease is closely related to Alzheimer's, but in reverse. While my mother's body stayed spry and active, her mind was lost in a fog. My brother's mind is still spinning and creative, but his body fails to support carrying out his brilliant ideas. I don't know which is worse.