Just when you think you're dong well, something sneaks up on you, you know?
Nothing big, but it's a pain in the tush. Like this morning when I woke shortly after 4:00 with my sister on my mind and couldn't go back to sleep.
And yesterday when I got a list of reminders of birthdays and anniversaries for the next month. My eldest brother's birthday is 11/14, and the conspicuous absence of my sister, his twin on that reminder.
And when I saw the sunrise yesterday and thought how she would like to see it.
And when I open the computer and see a picture of her. It's not that I would not want to see the picture, but I'm off guard and it surprises me.
And when I think of the Hawaii trip and how I promised her to load the pictures and have her son get her to a website so she could see them and reminisce about her own trip there many years ago.
I'm not devastated, unable to function at this point, not at all; just acutely sad for a few moments when I stumble across the things that tied me to her. I know, too, that it will get better over time, but for now, it's just hard. I miss her more than I want to. I was thinking this morning how nice it would be if we could be truly happy for those who have passed on, knowing that they are in a place of peace. We know that, but "living it" is harder than "thinking it." If the grief process were not so .... grief filled .... it would be nice, wouldn't it? We don't realize how many things connect us with the people in our lives, then when they are gone, these little bits and pieces pop up like those little stickers that we get just under the skin, but can't see or figure out a way to pull it out.
I have things to do, so I'd better get on my way. I'm better when I stay busy and today is a full one. Hope you all have full days and happy times. I'm gonna!