These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Hands off!

I'm watching a marathon of "Empty Nest." Does anyone remember it? A sitcom from back in the 80s (?) about a widowed man whose two adult daughters live with him (off & on, as I recall), which I liked pretty well.  I'm enjoying the trip to the past. I'm not feeling top notch today (nothing serious, just tired) and I'm planning to spend the day on or near the couch, so this is a blank-mind kind of program.

Actually, it's not really blank-mind. I've watched several episodes already, and I was thinking about how they interact as a family. Like most families on TV, they poke their noses into each other's business. This made me think about my own relationship with my kids. I've always tried to avoid nose-poking, even when my kids were kids (as in children and teens). Of course, I did get in their business when I sensed trouble, but tried to let them develop who they are on their own. Then as they became adults, I also did my best to stay out of the role of meddling mother (and mother-in-law, as well). I didn't always succeed, but I did try.

I wonder if my kids feel the same about my status. I know recently I've been more vocal about my girls and their marital problems. I'll make no excuses. I'm just irritated with two men who are being stupid and making excuses for it as they do "stupid" in a big way.

My parents were very hands off with me. They didn't boss me around, they gave me lots of freedom, and for the most part, I didn't abuse it. Of course, there were times I pushed the limits, but I enjoyed having the freedom resulting from their trust of me. There were also some times when they crossed the line with me as an adult, but it wasn't often. Having that kind of relationship with my parents was great. I tried to pass that on to my children. I hope they feel the same.

So how is it in your family? Do you nose around in each other's business or is it hands-off?


  1. I do remember that show...I never got into it. I think it was a spin off from The Golden Girls.

    Well, you know how my family is/was. I think the fact that my parents were in every aspect of my life that really affected our relationship and then when I was on my own I was like a scared little girl afraid to move.

    You kids are lucky to have such a wonderful Mom.

  2. I meddled a lot as they were growing up. I will get right in Kate's face about anything! As for my adult children, I don't meddle at all. I will ask if I am curious about something, but that's it. They always seem to give me a straight answer!
    I don't remember that show Lyn, but I have heard of it. My kids were both pretty young in the eighties so I probably didn't watch much t.v. then!
    I hope you start to feel better soon. Just veg on the couch for the weekend! Love Di ♥

  3. Caroline, it was a spin off from GG. They lived next door to each other. As for your patents, if you still had a relationship with them, I suspect they would still be directing everything. That's sad. Hugs to you. :)

    Diana, don't get me wrong .... I stepped in when I needed to, but I tried to let them learn from experience. It seems it worked. They're both pretty strong. I don't necessarily think there is ONE RIGHT WAY. I believe it has to be hones to the parent and child to work. Seems that you got it right!

  4. Yes, I think I have tried to respect boundaries. I have crossed those boundaries at times and have paid the price.

  5. This reminds me of a conversation at work recently. The moms were talking about how they can check their childrens school work online. And they do so EVERY night. They complained about how the teachers didn't log in with updates enough. Ugh. Talk about being up in their children's business. 'Big Mother's. Watching' (1984)

  6. RET, yep, that's what often happens. And it's why I try to avoid it, too. Mistakes will be made by everyone, and I'm concentrating on trying to limit my own!!

    Mary, I can't imagine hovering that much! "How to make myself and my kid crazy."

  7. Lynilu: I think it is certainly healthy to give kids their space! I think the new term for hovering parents is 'helicopter mom/dad'! I am sure balance is needed. Parents need to know when to hover and when to let the child learn independence...

    Now as far as being in adult childrens business, that seems more like a gray area to me. Would the rule of thumb be 'would I say this to a friend?' Yes, then ok to say to a child. I run into this with my sister who is 19 years younger than me. Have had to learn to not give advice but also not to be too quiet just because I worry about being too nosey/smothering.

  8. Hello - totally off topic (my kids are young enough for me to be in their business and it be ok!) but I've been thinking about you because I have an interview for an hospice RN on Tuesday. It's just PT but that's what I'm looking for. I hope we have both found our calling!

  9. Wonderful, Kelly! many think working at Hospice would be depressing, but I don't find it that way at all. There are certainly the sad moments, but there is a lot of pleasure in understanding that we are helping people find comfort and peace. Good luck to you!

    BTW, are you Kelly I know from FB?

  10. Oh, Mary, I overlooked your second comment!

    My sister was 13 years my senior, and we sometimes clashed because she felt responsible for my direction at times. In later years it wasn't a problem, thank goodness. Yes, even sibling relationships can become difficult in that way.


If you have something to say about it, just stick out your thumb, and I'll slow down so you can hop aboard! But hang on, 'cause I'm movin' on down the road!!! No time to waste!!!