These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Monday, July 04, 2011

Spaghetti for one

That's what is for dinner at my house tonight.  Last night I had filet mignon for one. The night before that? I don't even remember, but it was for one. I'm an excellent cook, and I love cooking, but it is hard to cook for one person. It's really hard to cook such a small amount. It's exacerbated by the fact that my appetite is much smaller these days than it has been in the past. I go through periods that I don't cook a lot because it is just difficult to cook for one. And please don't suggest cooking a larger amount and freezing it. I'm not fond of left overs, with a few exceptions that actually seem to get better with reheating.

I'm cranky. And this may never be published. I'm spouting off. We'll see how it goes.

I've been thinking today about something that bugs the heck out of me. Here is is the question ....

Why is it people, couples especially, invite single men over for dinner but they rarely invite single women?

I can't remember the last time a couple invited me over for dinner. Or lunch. Or any holiday. A few of my single lady-friends have had me over, and I have them, but that gets tough at times, because several are older than I and don't like to drive at night. I understand that, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I can't remember the last holiday that I was invited to a friends house on a holiday. I can't remember the last time a married friend extended an invitation unless there was a purpose behind it. (I've been asked over for my professional advice or to set up someone's computer or to make some plans of some sort)  Today I talked to a couple guy-friends, and they were both invited to someone's house for dinner or a cook out.

And I'm left thinking .... what's wrong with me???

Have I offended people? I don't think so. I generally try to be as affable as possible with people unless and until I'm really put off with something.

Is it because women are presumably able to cook for themselves and men, maybe not so much? That's a crazy idea in these days! I know many men who cook extremely well!

I've heard other single women talk about this, and I don't get it.  Throughout my adult life, I've invited my single girlfriends to dinner, husband or not. But it seems it is not a universally accepted practice.We are invited when there is a huge gathering,l but that ends up being all the widows and divorc√©es hanging out together while the couples are, well being couples.

Sigh. As I said I'm cranky. I'm rather tired of spending holidays and weekends alone. In fact, I think I'm getting tired of being alone in general. Not enough to go hunting or to make a bad choice, but yes, "alone for nearly six years" has a very tinny sound to it.

Jes' sayin'.


  1. You are not alone (well sort of). In my five years on the road there have only been two couples that have ever included me for dinner or any other kind of outing. I guess that's just the way it is. It sucks!

    Cooking for one is also a pain. I have always loved cooking, but I find as time goes on I do less and less. Just the essentials.

    I agree with what you have said, but I try to remember that doing things alone is better than not doing things at all. :)

  2. Yes, what you say is true. Fourth of July for over 20 years, my husband and I threw a big bash close to 100 guests each year. 2009 he was ill on 4th of July,(we did not host a party) no invitations to us - he was very upset. He died in Oct 2009. Still no invitations for me now. Are all of these people just sitting home alone because we are not hosting the party? I don't think so, someone is having a party, but I'm not invited.

  3. Judy, I agree, and I try to keep myself busy at home and away, too. I'm not letting moss grow! But it is hard at times.

    Teri, I used to be the consummate hostess, and everyone preferred my house for parties, yet they opened theirs, too. Have times changed so much? I guess so.

  4. I am sorry you are having a tough time. We are rarely invited to anyone's festivities either. It especially sucks when everyone around you are talking about what they will be doing for the holiday's, and if they even bother to ask my usual response is that we do not have anything special planned.

    I know feeling alone sucks there are times i feel alone even when G is home.

    You are a beautiful, wonderfully witty, insightful and intelligent woman and there is someone out there somewhere that will be lucky enough to encounter all that is you when you least expect it. Have faith.


  5. Thanks, DJ. It's probably just a "rough patch" I'm going through. However, it seems that the world, people, everything is changing, and not for the better. I've talked about this with several friends, and everyone agrees that there are some different things about today's world. I'm sure part of it is my aging process, but I wouldn't think it's just that. At least, I surely hope not!

  6. Hi Lyn,
    This blog really moved me. As a woman who also lost her spouse, I totally understand. Along with the cooking part. I also love to cook, do cook large portions for freezing, completely understand the need for only fresh. But much worse is people forgetting that you need friends and companionship and to be included. Please feel free to be part of our family at any and all times, we have a nice guest room and bath. I did ask for your computer expertise, but I'd rather have your friendship. By the way I have never commented on anyone's blog before; including Carolines.

  7. Dede, first of all, let me qualify that it was not you and C I referred to in that spiel. I loo forward very much to visiting in your home and meeting you vis a vis! I'm confident in my relationship with her, and by association, with you. No, it is those who live nearby from whom I feel the sad oversight.

    Thanks for the validation for the feelings and frustration. I haven't minded living alone for the most part. But the "little stuff" is finally wearing me down. It gets old, doesn't it?

    Thanks also for the comment. I'm honored.:)

  8. Before my father passed away they included female friends who had lost their mates, even in road trips. My dad has been gone for more than 20 years now as are most of those widows. But one couple, family friends, pick my mother up and take her to their home once a week for lunch. Every third get-together, they pick her up and she treats them to a meal at a favorite restaurant or at a new eatery they all want to try. She also has one or 2 widow friends who can still drive. They pick her up for events when the are healthy. One friend who now lives at the same retirement home as Mother has been widowed for many years. Early om she realized she was the youngest in her group. She began developing some new friendships with younger women .

    Those friends have stayed close. She can no longer prepare meals and party food as she once could, but she does host her turn for her bridge club and other groups at the retirement home with the dining services doing the honors. And she always seems to have a ride to her Bible study and seniors choir.

    She is in her 80s. My mom is 92 and I feel blessed that she has these friends. I don't think when my parents were including widows that any others among the widows' "couple" friends were. Is there an invisibility factor? Or are wives afraid that the single state is contagious?

  9. Lots of women complain about that. Widows too. Is it that married women are worried that single women will flirt with their husbands?

    Those single guy-friends of your, how about asking them to invite you AND a couple? Or how about you inviting a couple AND a single friend? I don't know what kind of dinner party circle you have, but I often have a single man and a single women without trying to match-make. Recently I paired off a woman friend of 84 with a man friend of 62. There was another couple at the table plus us. it went like a dream. I mix and match very carefully, not according to age or marital status, but attitude and personality.

    You need to set the ball rolling yourself. Good luck.

  10. I can only imagine how you must feel. I think people are very insensitive when it comes to thinking about others. We live in a world that seems to be short on social graces. I don't get why this happens either.

  11. LC, that "invisibility factor" is an interesting thought. I've noticed a few times in recent months that I
    seemed to be so! People who should have remembered me for one reason or another looked at me with the biggest blank until I reminded them who I am or where we met. All were under 30.

    Friko, I've tried to include others as often as possible. I've had many over for a meal or for an evening of game, etc., but it seems to always fall to me to do the inviting. And about single men, I know precious few! The two I mentioned are younger men who are casual friends, but we don't really socialize. I just used them as examples. I don't worry about age or other factors I just enjoy being around people, and I'm not looking for a "match." I'd enjoy having dinner with couples, too!

    RET, social graces seem to be fading away don't they? I find it sad, not just in this area, but in general. sighh.

  12. As I was reading, you anticipated what I was thinking, I see. As someone who does very little cooking, I know people would think I'd be lost if I didn't have my wife to prepare supper. She's even mentioned it to friends and stuff how lost I'd be if she weren't around. So I still vote that people feel sorrier for single, older men . . . thinking they're probably starving or something.

    My wife and I disagree on leftovers too. She doesn't like them, but I do.

  13. I meant to comment when I read this on Monday, but after Dede wrote her comment we started talking and I was distracted. Sorry.

    I am so sorry that you are feeling this, but I completely understand. For all the years that I was single or with Susan (it sure felt like I was single when I was with her) I really enjoyed my time by myself, but the fun holidays (like July 4) I always felt sad and left out of all the fun. Just know that you are never alone and you are always welcome with me and Dede. If you think I am fun...wait until you meet Dede. You stomach will hurt from laughing and your face will hurt from smiling so much.

    I love you and I am always here for you. If you need to talk you can call me anytime....

    Many hugs to you!!

  14. Dave, I think that is probably true about men surviving alone. Some of them are just pathetic! Not you, of course! [grin]

    Caroline, I hope Dede read my reply and understands. It's not even that I mind doing things for friends, but it would be nice to be invited at other times, too.

    Yeah, I know I'm just part of your extended family. And I love that! I can't wait to meet Dede! Do you remember how any times you and I laughed ourselves silly, usually over Mexican Train??

    Love you back!!

  15. I can't say much as I'm usually alone!! People always assume that because I am married, I always have someone around when in fact I only see my husband about three to four days a month!!
    If we lived closer we could invite each other over! And I would love to have you when Jake is home, I think you would both have a lot of laughs, he's a joker!
    As far as cooking goes, when Kate is gone for the week, I cook about two meals and eat them all week!!
    Love Di ♥

  16. Di, I'd love to be close! I think we would have a lot of fun, don't you think?

    You and Jake aren't going to know how to live together in retirement!!

  17. Glad to see you are getting plenty of empathy and good advice from the comments, Lyn. The situation we are in is rather different, but due to health problems and the Other Half being chief cook, we only have a couple of close friends to a meal, and because they live far away they tend to visit for a few days. Your post does make me realise that I need to make more effort with single, older friends. Every Blessing

  18. I was a single mom for nine years and, though often lonely, was rarely alone.

    Now my kids are grown and gone and I'm married, sometimes alone but rarely lonely. I'm not a good cook - wish I enjoyed it enough to want to improve - but my husband is a good one. We have a single neighbor across the street who is always good company, but I have to admit I sometimes forget about her for weeks at a time. Thanks for reminding me to include her more often.

  19. Freda, thank you, dear. All blessings are welcome!

    Linda, I know what you mean about alone and lonely. There is a great difference. I'm glad I could serve as a reminder to you. :)

  20. Lyn, I am trying to leave a message here, but this is my third try. I would love to have you over to dinner. Jim and I have both male and female single friends and often share a meal and evening of fellowship with them.
    Were you here tonight we would be having drinks on the porch whilst partaking of Jim's delicious fried squash appetizers. The main menu is grilled haddock. Wish you were here.

    Also, please forgive my lapse where Blogger is concerned. I am back.
    hippo hugs


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