A bit of an explanation .... over the past couple months, it has seemed that my communication was a mess. I was having difficulty in several areas (work, friends), and try as I might, I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I was being misunderstood and frankly attacked in some areas, and nothing I did to try to set things right worked. It was difficult for me, because communication has always been a strength with me. I'm not perfect, and I've miscommunicated my fair share, but generally speaking, my skills are high level. I was really frustrated, spending hours going over emails and analyzing the syntax and context, reviewing verbal conversations as well as I could, looking for my errors.
I finally got to the point of saying to myself, "It might not be the rest of the world; It just might be ME." I used to say that to my husband when he was difficult; I guess it has come back to bite me! Seriously, when it seems that I am the one with misunderstandings in several arenas of my life, I am the obvious common denominator. But several people I turned to to help sort this out couldn't see the problem, either. I couldn't figure it out. I still can't.
I couldn't blame Mercury in retrograde this time, because although most of it became a problem around the time in July and August when he was coming into the stage, it all lasted loooong past. I will probably never know what was going on. I just have to rest my faith on the words of the few confidants who read and also heard my verbal communications and assured me that I wasn't obtuse or unclear.
The good news is that most of the problems areas have resolved or at least greatly improved. However, I was at the end of my rope and just couldn't deal with "the rest of the world," thus my sabbatical.
I've also been dealing with my emotional junk exacerbated by this. When things are not right in my life, I have no one to come home and talk it over. Yes, I have friends and family who are probably thinking, "I would listen," but the truth of the matter is that we all need that special someone who is present to hug or touch, someone who is on our side, even if we are wrong. I just don't have that. I'm not willing to "settle" for less than the right person, so I just have a big gaping hole in that zone of my being. Someday, maybe, but not now.
There is something about not having that "up close and personal" cheerleader that limits our ability to resolve things. I miss that.
So anyway, I'm back, sorta-kinda. I don't know how often I will post here, but I'm sure I'll be more active before much longer. Sigh. Life is challenging at times, isn't it? As I tell others, the challenging times are the ones that make us grow and blossom. Guess I should listen to my own words!
C'mon, growth and blossoming! I'm ready to be all that I can be .... without challenge, of course!! LOL!
~ ~ ~ ~
Isn't it amazing sometimes how things happen?
I just had an amazing, hour long conversation from a dear and respected colleague from "a different life," who called for my opinion, advice, and supervision about a tough situation. Talk about affirmation! Perhaps I'm not crazy! :)