These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Friends and strangers .... sometimes one and the same
I've had a lot on my plate recently. Part of it is at work, part of it very personal. It has been building for several months, although it wasn't at a level I would call "unbearable" until the last couple months. I still can't talk about much of it.
In the midst of this, several of my strongest connections suddenly disappeared fro my life, as well. One friend has totally dropped out of sight. I have no idea where she is, nor does anyone else. Oh, she is still around, as we see posts from her on FB, but she doesn't answer anyone (calls, FB, etc.), and we don't know where she has gone or why. Very peculiar and sad.
Two other of my good connections and support sources also backed away. I've realized one of them is the kind that only stay in touch when she needs support. I hadn't recognized that before. Now she is happy, and I rarely hear from her. The other .... well, I don't know. She is still around, but seems cool. I asked her last week if she is OK. Yes she is. Did I do something to offend or hurt her? No. [silence follows] Hmmm. OK. If it isn't a two way conversation, I can't or perhaps won't push it far, possibly creating discomfort, so I just give it up. I suppose if she gets past it and wants my friendship, she will let me know.
It is just very sad to me that these people have backed away. I'll get over it, most certainly. And it encouraged me to concentrate on other relationships. But I miss those people in my life. They were three of the people I might turn to when I just need a hug or a friendly ear, and in the midst of some other rather unhappy stuff going on, I really could have used their presence. Oh well. I guess they saw me as a "listener," not a "listen to."
The other thing is that I've been wracking my brain to figure out if there was anything, anything I could think of that I might have done to run these people off. I really can't think of a single thing. Yesterday I quit worrying about it. Frankly, I decided that the other issues, the ones I would love to be able to grouse to someone about, are a lot bigger and I couldn't keep fussing over it.
As of today, I think the big stressor over the last few months has resolved. Or is resolving very soon. I certainly hope so, because to be honest, I have been dreading going to work every day for quite some time. I still enjoy my job, the tasks, just the environment has been ghastly. Today I heard some hopeful news, and I'm actually feeling OK about seeing what the next few days hold. Today I was told to hold on, there are some changes in the immediate future, and it should all be sorta back to normal soon. I feel a huge relief!
I think I feel .... hmmm, let's say 2/3 of the burden lifted. Whew!
Now, a little update.
My grandson still needs prayers, but happily most of his issues are greatly improved. His health is almost back to normal functioning again. There is a newly developed kink in the recovery, but not one that is unmanageable. His emotional health is better also, although he will not be released from that treatment right away. That's a good thing. He, of course doesn't see it that way. He is mightily embarrassed and just wants to be "back to the normal routine," but I'm glad he is getting tons of watching out right now. I'm glad he is not being treated as if it's all over and business as usual. Thanks again to all of you who gave of your time to lift him up.
Once again, whew! That's my favorite word today, I think!