These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Thursday, February 09, 2012

Friends and strangers .... sometimes one and the same

I've had a lot on my plate recently. Part of it is at work, part of it very personal. It has been building for several months, although it wasn't at a level I would call "unbearable" until the last couple months. I still can't talk about much of it.

In the midst of this, several of my strongest connections suddenly disappeared fro my life, as well. One friend has totally dropped out of sight. I have no idea where she is, nor does anyone else. Oh, she is still around, as we see posts from her on FB, but she doesn't answer anyone (calls, FB, etc.), and we don't know where she has gone or why. Very peculiar and sad. 

Two other of my good connections and support sources also backed away. I've realized one of them is the kind that only stay in touch when she needs support. I hadn't recognized that before. Now she is happy, and I rarely hear from her. The other .... well, I don't know. She is still around, but seems cool. I asked her last week if she is OK. Yes she is. Did I do something to offend or hurt her? No. [silence follows] Hmmm. OK. If it isn't a two way conversation, I can't or perhaps won't push it far, possibly creating discomfort, so I just give it up. I suppose if she gets past it and wants my friendship, she will let me know.

It is just very sad to me that these people have backed away. I'll get over it, most certainly. And it encouraged me to concentrate on other relationships. But I miss those people in my life. They were three of the people I might turn to when I just need a hug or a friendly ear, and in the midst of some other rather unhappy stuff going on, I really could have used their presence. Oh well. I guess they saw me as a "listener," not a "listen to."

The other thing is that I've been wracking my brain to figure out if there was anything, anything I could think of that I might have done to run these people off. I really can't think of a single thing. Yesterday I quit worrying about it. Frankly, I decided that the other issues, the ones I would love to be able to grouse to someone about, are a lot bigger and I couldn't keep fussing over it.

As of today, I think the big stressor over the last few months has resolved. Or is resolving very soon. I certainly hope so, because to be honest, I have been dreading going to work every day for quite some time. I still enjoy my job, the tasks, just the environment has been ghastly.  Today I heard some hopeful news, and I'm actually feeling OK about seeing what the next few days hold. Today I was told to hold on, there are some changes in the immediate future, and it should all be sorta back to normal soon. I feel a huge relief!

I think I feel .... hmmm, let's say 2/3 of the burden lifted. Whew!

Now, a little update.

My grandson still needs prayers, but happily most of his issues are greatly improved. His health is almost back to normal functioning again. There is a newly developed kink in the recovery, but not one that is unmanageable. His emotional health is better also, although he will not be released from that treatment right away. That's a good thing. He, of course doesn't see it that way. He is mightily embarrassed and just wants to be "back to the normal routine," but I'm glad he is getting tons of watching out right now. I'm glad he is not being treated as if it's all over and business as usual. Thanks again to all of you who gave of your time to lift him up.

Once again, whew! That's my favorite word today, I think!


  1. I will continue to send prayers to your grandson. I am so glad to hear that things are going well for him, but it is best not to rush and keep added supports in place. I understand how he may not like it, but in the big picture, it is the right thing to do. Hugs and healing thoughts sent his way.

    I was very relieved to hear that things at work will hopefully be returning to a better place and much less stress. That must be a huge stress lifted off you. I am thrilled for you because I know how much you love your job and how good you are at it. I will keep my fingers crossed and say extra prayers that it really turns around.

    As for friendships, I find, the older I get, the more confusing they get. I try to take the stand, if I did something wrong, that person has a responsibility to come to me to talk to me about it. You and I both know we would never hurt anyone on purpose and I suspect our friends know this too. Yet, sadly, it doesn't always work that way, and the silence and the distance can be confusing and painful. It seems to happen, just when you need them the most. I don't know why some people are like that. I do know that you and I would never treat a friend like that, which makes it even more hurtful and confusing. I think, you have made the attempts and it is really in their court. Put your energies with the friends who you don't have to worry about confusing head games. Odds are they will return, when they are not getting enough attention or a reaction from you. I laugh, but it is not funny. Don't you think we left this stuff behind in Junior High? You just don't need the added stress right now.
    Love you.

  2. Cheryl, on the friendships .... This has happened with a handful of others over the years, and I just don't understand the silence, the backing away with no recognizable reason. Another friend did that but came back and talked with me, and, while we aren't as close, we are still friends. Here's what gets me .... these things put dents in trust. I'm challenged right now with the thought that if these folks come back, will they abandon me again like that? I accept people at face value until they show me that their value isn't what they present; after that .... it’s a coin toss.

    Thanks so much for the prayers for my grandson. He’s a good young man. And thanks for the love. Love you back! :)

  3. Hi Lyn, It's very good to hear that your grandson is improving. I understand his impatience. It's difficult to get through health problems, emotionally and physically.I will keep him in my prayers.
    As for the friends it's odd but I have found that friends come and go. Especially the older I get. I have just a handful of friends that I still see or keep in touch with. The others well, I just feel that their lives are busy.
    It does seem strange when one just drops out of your life. But I'm sure that you aren't lacking in the friend department, you've got me after all, LOL!!!
    I do hope work gets better for you. Even if you like what you are doing, the environment is very important as well. My oldest daughter is going through that right now. She loves her job and is comfortable there. She just got an offer for the same job at a place where everyone is in her age group and likes the new place but is torn about the decision. Unfortunately I didn't have much advice for her except to say that the older she gets the harder it gets to change. She is going to think about it but it's sort of funny because she was always excited about change in her life. Now I am slowly noticing her become more cautious!
    I sure do hope things get better for you at work and with everything else but I know what an adaptable person you are. You're alright Lyn!!
    Love Di ♥

  4. Di, I know friends come and go, and I've experienced a lot of that. This just seemed to weird that 3 really close ones in a relatively sort time was a lot, you know. I wondered if my own concentration to get through each day put a wedge in there because I know I was rather removed myself, and maybe they thought I was mad or something. But no one said a word to me. If they had, my flood gate would have burst!

    Things are better already! The fog at work is lifting, it seems, and I'm OK. :) Thanks for caring and for the prayers.

  5. Hang in there. You do have a lot on your plate. Friendships at any age can be so confusing. I have learned that when you go through a crisis, a loss, or have a real need, you find out who your friends are. I also think I have learned that I need to be a better friend. Sometimes, I just don't have the energy that friendship takes. That is really not like me. I hope that changes, but the truth is, right now, I'm not a very good friend. Perhaps, your friend is also feeling that she just doesn't have the energy needed to be a friend right now.

    Take care. I hope the work situation improves soon.

    Praying for grandson.

  6. RET, it seems that so many things break down at once, doesn't it? It is, indeed, hard to be a friend when your own junk is heavy, and perhaps that is it. My energy has been draining at a steady pace for several months; it seems to be turning around now, but I'm sure it will take a while to build up the reserve. In fact, I have to say my reserve or "reservoir" probably has a leak, because I never seem to be able to fill it completely any more. I suspect your reservoir is a bit low now, as well. Hang in there, I know you're running on steam these days, too. :)


If you have something to say about it, just stick out your thumb, and I'll slow down so you can hop aboard! But hang on, 'cause I'm movin' on down the road!!! No time to waste!!!