These are random musings of my life journey, the people, animals, places, and events which have woven, and continue to weave, a tapestry that is me. We all know there is no real destination, only the ongoing experiences which blend together, creating the trail. Each step gives a glimpse of what is to come, without allowing me to see the end result. It is exciting. I have a home base that is mine, that gives me a place to rest. This is it. This is where my heart is, no matter where I journey...................

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Back with an apology

I'm here for my lashings. Are your wet noodles ready? I'm not going to do backbends of grief over this, merely say I'm sorry and hope you'll still be around to move ahead on my journey with me. I've learned that repeated apologies and beating my chest with Mia Culpas doesn't change anything, anyway, so I'm going to move on from here.

It's been a busy and stressful six weeks. I've found that there are two states of mind that I don't recognize until they are over: Stressed and Depressed. I've known I was under stress recently, and I still am, but the depth of that stress is just now becoming apparent to me. The evacuation, the damage of the fire, the wreck, the physical therapy .... I think I had a mini-meltdown. Maybe a medium one. But the good thing is I'm regaining some balance again, and feeling more like I should. It stinks that I don't bounce back as well as I used to. Old rubber balls that have been slammed against the brick wall over and over will eventually lose some of their resiliency, I suppose. I'm tired!

At any rate, I think I'm coming out of the stress-funk of the last few weeks. I'm feeling better (the PT is really helping that, even though it is pushing my limits), and looking back I'm recognizing what a funk it has been! It doesn't seem, inside myself, that it has been a month since I posted last. That's one of those signs that I've been shut down for a while. I've been talking with several people or groups about the aftereffects of these events. We've all seen signs of PTSD in ourselves and in each other. Several have related this to past events, so those old scars are scratched open, too. I have some good friends who have joined with me to encourage each other, and to hold each other close through the morass. Thank God for friends who stick with you through the tough times!

On the positive side, I am functioning somewhat better. I don't think I'm at 100% yet, but working in that direction. I am making no promises about posting more often, but I will try. Honestly, the fast posts of FB have suited me recently. They take little effort!

The work situation seems to be smoothing out. The people and situations that were under my skin for many months, almost a year, are less prickly. I don't know if it will remain so, but for now, I am thankful. I've been functioning for our patients and families, but for self-preservation, I've had to shut out a lot of discord and downright nastiness in the daily office relationships. Not a lot was directed squarely at me, but the atmosphere was so saturated with anger and bitterness that no one was left unscathed.  I sorta closed down to protect myself, not a good way to "work"for me. It appears that the nastiness has settled, those directly involved have mellowed so it is not spewing out onto the rest of us, and it is becoming bearable now.

Also positive, I completed Level III of Healing Touch therapy last weekend. It was physically challenging for me, well, for all of us, but I made it and love the work. Our Level IV class in next month, then we have a year (or more, if we wish) to do 100 documented sessions before Level V, which is the certification class. I think I have a couple people who will be willing to be regular practice clients, and a couple others that I need to approach, but have hopes for, too.  I really love this work! When I'm working on/with someone, guiding their energy, it is an amazing process. I walk away feeling tired but exhilarated, at the same time. It is very rewarding. ** see bottom of post for continuation of this.

The monsoons are here, and fortunately, they aren't pouring down rain. We've been having nice rains, 1/4 to 3/4 inch often. It's not every day, but I'd guess three out of five days we are getting rain. It has gradually washed the soil, turning some of the burn area from black and grey, back to soil brown. The charred trees still stand as brutal reminders, but a first step is the washing of the soil.

I took some pics to show the other effects of the rain .... green! Some are a little dark, because of the weather, but you'll get the idea.

Looking across the greening pastures toward home. My house is roughly under the pillar cloud.

The green is so refreshing!

Even in the higher country near the house, the undergrowth is reviving with the moisture.

Again, a little hard to see, but follow the road, then just beyond the trees is a meadow that is gorgeous green. This area didn't burn. The burn is just barely off the left side of the picture.

 The last several days, helicopters have been flying over the area of burn near the house, dropping straw, the first step to rebuilding. The straw will help stop runoff by creating some mulch. If they haven't already, they will be dropping seed, too. Grasses will help to hold the soil with their roots. Very important, as there is nothing to stop the rain from becoming flash floods in the creeks. Later, trees will be planted, but not until the soil is ready and the moisture sufficient to support the little trees. If we have a good year of moisture, hopefully next summer will mark re-forestation. Maybe my grandchildren's children will be able to see forest again. I won't, obviously.

Lastly, my hummingbirds are back in droves! I suspect there are around 40-50 at a time! In the last week, they are consuming 1.5 gallons of nectar daily! I need to go buy a twenty pound bag of sugar to continue to feed the little addicts! They are so delightful to watch, and I don't want to lose them to neighbors.

Oh, one more item .... I'm thinking about opening the blog again. Hopefully, everything is settled out so it won't be a problem. If/When I do, I'll keep your addys in case I close the doors and windows again.

** What is there in your life that is rewarding? What makes you come alive and smile?


  1. I'm glad you are back...I've missed you this way! You know my children are what make me smile! I'm learning to be's a bit easier this time, but still sucks! I love you with all my heart!

    1. OH, I'm glad your light is the kids, 'cause I know I did something right! I love you, too, baby girl!


If you have something to say about it, just stick out your thumb, and I'll slow down so you can hop aboard! But hang on, 'cause I'm movin' on down the road!!! No time to waste!!!