I subscribe to a site called "Your Inner Pilot Light." It's about learning to tune into and trust your judgment, making decisions with greater depth of thought, being true to oneself. Today this was posted:
When someone disappoints you in a relationship, the question is not “Why did he or she do that?” It’s “Why did I attract this relationship into my life and what am I supposed to learn from it?” Relationships are never accidents. Even if meeting someone seems like chance serendipity, a casual bumping into each other that seems random, it’s not. Some how, in some way, we called that relationship into our life. The minute we accept that our souls call things into our lives so we can learn lessons our souls are here on this earth to learn, that’s the minute we step into our power, no longer the victim, one step closer to enlightenment. So I ask you - why did you attract this relationship into your life and what are you supposed to learn from it? Not sure? As always, I have the answers. Tap in.
This is right on. Understanding this has helped me to quit ruminating about failed friendships and turn it into a learning experience about myself. This doesn't mean that I don't get angry or hurt over things that happen. I'm human! But it is helping me to release that and those which represent pain from the past. In doing so, I'm getting better at recognizing and accepting the part of me that allowed it to occur, to forgive myself for being in the situation and for staying long enough it get to the painful part, and to forgive and release that person from my life. I don't need their forgiveness. Waiting for that just strengthens the bond of negativity that keeps me linked to those people.
I'm a long way from being perfect. I accept that. I know I've made mistakes, and I'll make more. Hopefully, that "more" will decrease because I'm cognisant and behaving with greater responsibility with each day. Because of this I'm also learning on a daily basis, too. I'm approaching each day with more thought and accepting my own resonsibility.
My goal is to recognize as many points as possible of potential stumbling before I allow a connection to form. It does not mean I will be standoffish or avoid new friendships or relationships, just that I will be as clear with myself as I can about the big picture. I have a tendency to accept people into my life because they need me. That's a good thing in many ways, but now I'm trying to be certain that my need to be needed doesn't cloud my decision of why I allow people into my "inner circle." Friends need each other, of course. I just need to check my "inner pilot light" carefully before giving entrance to my inner self.
Sometimes I also need to watch carefully for signs that things have changed. The relationship started out good enough, but something is different. When that happens, I tend, like most of us do, to ignore the change or consider it just a temporary thing. It just might a change that is pulling one of us away from the old point of homeostasis in the relationship. Empathy and understanding take a step back, and the void of "single-sided change" begins and continues to enlarge. As for me in this sort of situation, I get caught up in my own junk, and just don't suspect the gravity until it is in my face and hurting like crazy. That's on my back! I am responsible for not letting junk cloud my vision!
A few have asked why I'm not rushing to amping up the pending relationship with "him." Now you know. It's OK .... I'm OK .... with taking time and being comfortable in my choice to be in the relationship. It's not that I "suspect" anything negative; it's merely that I have learned that rushing doesn't benefit anyone and often causes greater heartbreak. I have no inclination to rush. I have more time to build and learn than I have to be disappointed by I allowing something too soon. I want to enjoy every moment along the way, learning more about myself, and knowing that every new person in my inner circle is there for the right reasons. I'm creating.